tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50661950493021143642024-03-13T11:38:00.483-07:00The HebbsThe raw, daily emotions of fighting to live after your child dies and the challenges of a 2lb. preemie.The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.comBlogger299125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-29792857697192762522016-07-20T14:46:00.000-07:002016-07-20T14:48:36.075-07:00InstagramI have loved blogging and have had this blog since 2006. I erased it once when I was immature and super mad at my husband, we were having martial problems....ha ha.....anyway, I am now doing more on Instagram, if any of you would like to follow there,<br />
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feel free.<br />
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I have two instagrams<br />
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tiffolistic-which is my nutrition, yoga, grief, health etc.<br />
tiffhebb-which is my personal one with mostly pictures of my kids.<br />
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I will still be posting on my blog but it is few and far between since life seems to get busier.<br />
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XO<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>p.s. I am working on a book about my grieving journey, so stay tuned for that. It will be available in paperback and ebook. </b></span>The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-44317070746522149462016-06-16T15:48:00.001-07:002016-06-16T15:48:15.339-07:00Empathy and SympathyI truly believe when you go through horrible things in life, you are better equipped to help someone along your way when they are in need. If you had not gone through such horrible things, then you would not be able to have as much empathy or sympathy. By your refining you are made even STRONGER!<br />
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Mourn with those that stand in need, and that's all of us. We all could use some more love, kindness and compassion. We all want to be accepted, validated and loved. Right?? I know I do.<br />
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The world has been quickly changing, at least in my neck of the woods. I know horrific things have happened all over the world, through out all of time, but lately, it really is getting pretty nasty. People are no respecters of persons, they lie, they cheat, they still and they kill. And sometimes for no good reason. This is not to say there is not good in the world, there is so much good and I see it daily!!<br />
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As a society, we are very unhealthy mentally, emotionally, and physically. We are way out of balance with God, with ourselves, with our children work and play. We don't know what is right or wrong anymore. We think bad is good and good is bad. We have lost our connection to one another and to our loving Heavenly Father. We have lost our compassion, our understanding and our hearts have turned cold.<br />
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I have seen so much hate pushed towards this woman whose child fell into the gorilla pit, my goodness where is the love? Probably more than any other time in this woman's life, she needs love and compassion. I know at a time like this, you are heartbroken, devastated and almost dead.....I honestly can't believe people are sooooo quick to judge after they hear a headlining news article without physically knowing the full story or the person. In my situation, they did a full investigation while my son was getting CPR performed on him. In his last moments on earth I was getting interrogated for possibly killing my child. I understand the reasoning, because evil parents do kill their precious children. I know when we die, we will be judged accordingly and based upon how we judged others. So lets pick someone up when they are almost dead themselves instead of push them further into the ground, sucking the life out of them even more......<br />
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Lets all come together and pray for your enemies, pray for the world, humanity and for yourselves. We all truly NEED God in heaven to throw down his wrath and help save us all. He is the master engineer of all things and in the end we will all know Him and his son Jesus Christ.<br />
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I feel my duty is to spread goodness, kindness, hope, love and compassion to others. I will continue to do this until my work is finished here upon the earth.<br />
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Thank you Ollie boy for showing me how big my heart can grow and how much we need to do in this life. Many are called, but few will listen.<br />
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<b>Rise up and take a stand, you can and will make a difference in this world. </b><br />
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<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="40">Matthew 25:40</a></div>
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<span class="verse"></span>And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done <span class="clarityWord">it</span> unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done <span class="clarityWord">it</span> unto me.</div>
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<br />The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-18574073508459082622016-03-29T23:01:00.000-07:002016-06-16T21:54:01.009-07:00How to help after someone diesI get so many text, emails and phone calls asking what ideas I have for helping someone who just lost a loved one. I usually write back with a few ideas on how to help. I have made a detailed list before, but I feel 4 years into this grieving business, it has changed a bit. So, here are my thoughts. Please do share this page. We all will experience some form of loss or death--- it's just part of life.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Right after the death happens:</b></span><br />
<b> </b>-Send a quick text or email showing love and concern---if you don't send this message, the person will wonder why. I did. I really was hurt by some close people that didn't even mention the GIANT elephant in the room. It's so devastating to lose a loved one, especially a child and in such a shocking way. Lots of LOVE is needed to sustain the family dealing with this burden and every text is welcomed. What if everyone thought like you and said, "oh I don't want to bother them". Then the family would feel pretty lonely and unloved. The family probably wont answer you back and if they do consider yourself lucky, but keep checking in anyway.<br />
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-Do something, anything. Don't ask the family how you can help. They wont tell you and will say they are okay. No one likes to ask for help and most have a very hard time accepting it. Anything you do for the family will be very much appreciated and nothing is the wrong thing to do. Really I know ;)<br />
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-Offer to take pictures at the funeral and at the cemetery. Every picture will be so precious and important...even the casket ones, if they want this. A professional would be best, but any photos will do. It is usually the biggest event of ones life and lots of family and friends will be attending so pictures will be welcomed.<br />
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-Bring over paper goods so there will be no cooking and they can focus on what they need to. Bring with it finger foods, such as rolls, cheese and meat, granola bars, muffins, apples, grapes, oranges, trail mix--things to eat quickly but allows them to still get energy to do what they need to do. The family coming into town might not have time to go shopping, so this will really help.<br />
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-Offer to watch their children or pets so they can make funeral arrangements. There are so many details to work out, it's so exhausting and it all has to happen in a matter of a few days. There is no doing it over and most likely you have no idea what you are doing.<br />
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-Clean their house and put flowers all over while they are at the hospital so they will come home to a bunch of love. The day we left Ollie at the hospital and came home, we felt so empty and forlorn. We honestly didn't know what to do next and therefore it was very hard to make food, pay bills, and plan a funeral. Some sweet friends cleaned my house and it looked beautiful, but honestly I was a bit sad because I wanted to see the mess from the ER equipment, the toys Ollie played with, the last memories at home. But I totally appreciated it and think its a very healthy idea. I didn't have energy to clean it myself.<br />
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-If you are a close friend or family member, ask to help pay bills and organize this area of their life. The bills will keep piling up and it gets overwhelming, so a clear head might help the situation and relieve some stress. <br />
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-Start a fund account. Many funds take a portion, so I found the best way to send is directly to the families bank account. Most people don't expect a young death so they don't plan ahead. We had life insurance for Ollie but it was not enough because we had to fly to Utah and bury him, plus all the normal funeral costs.<br />
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-Offer the extended family to sleep at your house. They will have already paid a last minute expensive price for airfare so, if you can save them money on hotels this would greatly help out. Or offer your skymiles for the family to use. This will be greatly appreciated.<br />
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-If they have small children, buy a children's book on grief. Or make a special memory book for the child to have all the memories of their parent who passed away.<br />
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-If you have extra money and want to help out, you can offer to pay to print the programs, or pay for headstone, the burial site, or the casket. You can pay for the flowers, a funeral dress for the mom,or the dinner afterward for the family. You could pay for the plane tickets, the hotels, or the medical bills. It's so unfortunate after a loved one dies, the pain is so heavy and you feel as though you have lost everything, and then you are slapped with all these never ending bills that you never wanted. So monetary gifts are always appreciated and we received many.<br />
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I honestly don't know who did what at Ollie's funeral , but
everything got done by all the people stepping up and doing something. Every little thing helps.<br />
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<b>Some more ideas</b><br />
-Mow their lawn<br />
-Make sure their garbage gets out to the curb<br />
-Bring over a home cooked meal<br />
-Put up luminaries in their yard to honor their loved one<br />
-Bring over cookies or brownies<br />
-Offer to answer phone calls and the doorbell<br />
-Send a fuel card<br />
-Pray for the family<br />
-Put their names on a prayer roll<br />
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-Have your child write a note to the siblings of the deceased</div>
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-If you don't know what to do, just offer a giant HUG! </div>
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<b>A few weeks or months after the death: </b><br />
<b>-</b>Take them out to lunch<br />
<b>-</b>Keep checking in and showing love<br />
-Offer to babysit so they can have a moment to grieve<br />
-Bring over flowers to brighten their day<br />
-Sit and listen while they cry or talk<br />
-Say their loved ones name often<br />
-Remember birthdays and special events <br />
-Ask how they are <b><i>really </i></b>doing<br />
-Don't expect them to keep commitments <br />
-Don't be offended if they don't call you back<br />
-Acknowledge that they are sad and having a hard time<br />
-Send books on grief and loss </div>
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-Ask about their loved one that died, favorite things, personality, favorite memories, etc.<br />
-Just be a <b><i>constant </i></b>friend</div>
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**Remember, everyone grieves differently and it is a life long journey. Let the person grieve how they need to and don't push them to "get over it already". They never will get over it. Never. And also some people might be offended by some of these things you do for them but that's just because they don't accept service well---like me and most of us. They really will appreciate all the love shown and the effort made.<br />
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***To everyone who helped carry us by doing most of these examples listed above, I thank you. We couldn't have made it with out the love and support. You truly helped carry our heavy burdens. We will pay it forward the rest of our lives. Thank you, we love you all! Please share these ideas so others experiencing trials may feel loved---and these acts can be done to anyone at anytime!<br />
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HONORING MY SWEET OLLIE KAI HEBB AND ALL OTHERS WHO HAVE PASSED ON<br />
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The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-39338588625379636582016-03-29T21:53:00.000-07:002016-03-29T21:53:15.793-07:00EasterThis is the best time of the year to celebrate Jesus Christ and what he did for the world. It really is hard to understand and fathom what He really went through. Since I have a son who has passed on from this mortal life, I now look at life and Easter so differently. I never fully understood the ATONEMENT, Christs death and resurrection like I do now. Christ literally carried me through my grief and I have said this many times before but He broke the bands of time and space so He physically is walking with me (and You) through my pain. I believe there is always heavenly help when we are going through something so dark----that really is the <b>only </b>way we can see the light. Christ also rose from the dead and I know my sweet Ollie will one day in due time! Hurry up.<br />
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It has been 4 years.<br />
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Goodness.<br />
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My heart. <br />
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I catch myslef forgetting my past life.......with time, the memories fade, but the love never fades. Love is never ending and that I am thankful for. I just feel in my mamma heart that Ollie still loves me just the same as when he was alive. Love is something that will never die because it is an energy and we are all an energy. And energy is neither created or destroyed---science says so. So its true.<br />
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Time keeps on moving. The moment after Ollie took his last breath, I wanted time to stop. I wanted to yell to everyone that my precious son had just died. A life was taken from this earth. But many seemed to not even notice. Many seemed to still laugh, joke and carry on. <br />
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The more I live, I realize that everyone on earth is only in their personal shoes, we really don't know what anyone else is experiencing at that exact moment in time. No two situations are alike. I do believe we can help carry someone along and offer support in those dark days even if we truly have no idea what it feels like. And those people who have never experienced the loss of a child and <i>still </i>reach out to me. WOW. Can I just say, you are true angels on earth. Thank you Thank you!<br />
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So, people often ask me how I get through this extreme loss?<br />
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Well, to tell you the truth, I really don't feel like there is any other option for me. Some might feel they have options. But with what I know and feel and am, I only see it one way. To seek the light, seek hope, seek God, seek faith, seek goodness, seek happiness etc. Of course I lack hope at times but in general it has never fully left---the moment I was born it was in me. <br />
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Honestly, EVERY HUMAN on earth is born with the light of Christ--the Holy Ghost, the comforter, our conscience our inner guide.<br />
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By our choices or sometimes others, we often lose this light and it dims through out our life if we don't constantly feed it. Seek that which is seeking you---the light.<br />
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****<br />
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Sometimes I want to not think about deep things, but having a son in a place I don't know is rather exhausting. I fight daily to know, to see, to experience what he is.<br />
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One day Ollie will rise from his grave, I believe it will be on the morning of the first resurrection after Jesus Christ himself has again returned to the earth. I believe this really took place on earth and that Christ rose from the dead and Ollie will too!<br />
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Seek the light<br />
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The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-58835698697148289492016-03-09T16:21:00.001-08:002016-03-09T16:25:39.348-08:00My Sweet Boy<div style="text-align: center;">
I just miss Ollie.</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikt2CVVABsdyyTXVk2gTg8wnrzT81rztB_-7-xwK_UP942BrkpfHTWSw6LBDOqRSHW3984psXFSEtzO31uKJ2SUY00acOVeMp-A_l0OhOIz-WcXC5IfmkslhtyNzzTubQU2RjqW5zmAwo/s640/blogger-image-1454742071.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikt2CVVABsdyyTXVk2gTg8wnrzT81rztB_-7-xwK_UP942BrkpfHTWSw6LBDOqRSHW3984psXFSEtzO31uKJ2SUY00acOVeMp-A_l0OhOIz-WcXC5IfmkslhtyNzzTubQU2RjqW5zmAwo/s640/blogger-image-1454742071.jpg"></a></div><br></div>
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I miss his tiny fat toes,</div>
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his messy blonde straggly hair,</div>
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his piercing blue eyes.</div>
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His sweet smell of burt's bees butter milk lotion,</div>
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those tiny little legs running quickly to see the rain,</div>
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that cute little bum in his spider man underwear.</div>
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I miss his snuggles as he backed into me,</div>
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his tiny voice that was so polite,</div>
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his watching, learning, and observing spirit.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZu93bhzYuxQ_Rv_in67HdOWBN1lKblgbvKhKDgTAjPxHqwQnJ-HrpMDQZQDmTlh6lTwTC9Cd38d16unSAmJ5SqpXImCndHyUfY5TKkfBQ1ikeccMQHMyPmFOY4nS9cEcYeSfjSeCQQrI/s640/blogger-image-1711092363.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZu93bhzYuxQ_Rv_in67HdOWBN1lKblgbvKhKDgTAjPxHqwQnJ-HrpMDQZQDmTlh6lTwTC9Cd38d16unSAmJ5SqpXImCndHyUfY5TKkfBQ1ikeccMQHMyPmFOY4nS9cEcYeSfjSeCQQrI/s640/blogger-image-1711092363.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfBdIgF0ZiHaA9qcskRsAQsa6Oqg2Q6etkQY_Uytvuh_JPlTFig1XIXDFZv3rlioUBUZpzqpxa8snFN0bOVAfrwZ4EWXzlhMqla0IGN22erQfQxRGqJN3aoG4szKSYZW9v1z2n1YtKqTY/s640/blogger-image--1363524908.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfBdIgF0ZiHaA9qcskRsAQsa6Oqg2Q6etkQY_Uytvuh_JPlTFig1XIXDFZv3rlioUBUZpzqpxa8snFN0bOVAfrwZ4EWXzlhMqla0IGN22erQfQxRGqJN3aoG4szKSYZW9v1z2n1YtKqTY/s640/blogger-image--1363524908.jpg"></a></div><br></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiviIemAHaz3T1ZaDmtK3yGgHEjjMf4XT4i3u0qy8moCPGwymk7r-sJ8AD95jVmG1KDSdTCF2N98JnMvkwxIkUOjyRuxNDw6MoE2cA0cJ_HIJk45f186DrxiinTGzZ-Wm4wXcWodKorlGw/s640/blogger-image--1238560731.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiviIemAHaz3T1ZaDmtK3yGgHEjjMf4XT4i3u0qy8moCPGwymk7r-sJ8AD95jVmG1KDSdTCF2N98JnMvkwxIkUOjyRuxNDw6MoE2cA0cJ_HIJk45f186DrxiinTGzZ-Wm4wXcWodKorlGw/s640/blogger-image--1238560731.jpg"></a></div><br></div>
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***</div>
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Today, I have come so far since the horrific day I held sweet Ollie in my arms as he took his last fighting breathes here on earth. </div>
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My wounds are deep, raw and still festering, but they are healing.</div>
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slowly.</div>
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day by day.</div>
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still clinging to those last precious moments.</div>
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my heart wants to go back.</div>
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my mind knows I can not go back.</div>
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The loss left a giant, dark whole in my fragile heart. </div>
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The whole will never quite fill up entirely on this earth and will always be felt. </div>
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Once something is broken, it will never be the same, it is permanently changed. </div>
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But it can still be beautiful and fulfill its purpose.</div>
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Change is ok. </div>
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Change is sometimes needed.</div>
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Change allows you to see things form a different perspective. </div>
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Allowing your body and spirit to experience something so deep and raw allows you to really be awake.</div>
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really be breathing. </div>
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re-born.</div>
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a transformation.</div>
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new light.</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjydtdI923m6z6wjFrJ7zVbUNQIyLpTMrF-u6JvWnLv0R4bwMBfFXa-0tDufZhSPt5GaQc3UOVCN26PShAjdJz2bjnqsYP00qg_OGQbjgfRubpDgoFYtkXqwBYfO6QDkliDbyTdDMaapPU/s640/blogger-image-1739361177.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjydtdI923m6z6wjFrJ7zVbUNQIyLpTMrF-u6JvWnLv0R4bwMBfFXa-0tDufZhSPt5GaQc3UOVCN26PShAjdJz2bjnqsYP00qg_OGQbjgfRubpDgoFYtkXqwBYfO6QDkliDbyTdDMaapPU/s640/blogger-image-1739361177.jpg"></a></div></div><div style="text-align: center;">One of my firsts kisses</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn2c5ROfK55OQ_SMP9o03EsQ5e-RWEjJ6_TfB5V7DZYotOcxdKSOE2XOj3ALItHxzsCtU_2BgAVeu9fklS-mnrGTQ6sR-KXSEapAemvlcZ5LBv-ub0IQIoyiH4XyiT1tOpZMj_gzkp5nY/s640/blogger-image-518796496.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn2c5ROfK55OQ_SMP9o03EsQ5e-RWEjJ6_TfB5V7DZYotOcxdKSOE2XOj3ALItHxzsCtU_2BgAVeu9fklS-mnrGTQ6sR-KXSEapAemvlcZ5LBv-ub0IQIoyiH4XyiT1tOpZMj_gzkp5nY/s640/blogger-image-518796496.jpg"></a></div>And one of my last</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br></div>
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In the darkness of it all, there is only hope becasue it cant get any darker that dark. </div>
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There is only light to look forward to.</div>
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Light will slowly enter through that tiny dark whole which was created from the loss. </div>
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This light can enter and only expand until you are filled with that burning, warming, and loving light. </div>
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It will brighten your spirit and your life.</div>
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You will see things in an eternal perspective with your new found eyes. </div>
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"Seek that light that is seeking you"</div>
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<br>The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-15158682825939051332016-03-01T14:10:00.001-08:002016-03-01T14:14:30.982-08:00That Special Month.....I haven't written much lately because I have been writing my feelings on Instagram.....but I never really express <i>all </i>of my feelings on there. This blog has been a great place for me to get my muffled thoughts out of my head and on to something more organized.<br />
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So, this month MARCH, the month Ollie transitioned into paradise, has already hit me like a ton of bricks. Its the very first day of March and I started off my morning very emotional and crying.....I couldn't figure out why. Then it hit me, ITS MARCH.<br />
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I just watched the movie, <u>THE SECRET </u>last night and it has already changed my thinking. I am sending out ONLY positive thoughts and feelings to the universe. Instead of dubbing this month the dreaded month, I'm now calling it the <b>beautiful month of transition. </b>Transition for us all. Ollie, me and my family. Today is the month of becoming new and having Ollie's death become a beautiful thing, even though it seems so ugly and dark.<br />
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Today my affirmations to the world, to heaven, to God and to you all are:<br />
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<b>Today I bring peace and happiness into my home and life.</b><br />
<b>Today I thank God for what I have and all I am blessed with.</b><br />
<b>Today I only feel love, understanding, and acceptance.</b><br />
<b>Today I am healing and love myslef and who I am becoming.</b><br />
<b>Today is a beautiful day and I choose peace.</b><br />
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My journey through grief has been long, lonely, exhausting, painful, dark, hopeful, depressing, confusing, and so much more. I have seen good days and bad days, days filled with hope and with despair. But through it all, as I think back to the few first excruciating hours after Ollie died, I am amazed at how far I have come. Seriously, the pain is UNREAL and so so DEEP that it almost kills you. I can't even believe I didn't die and that I am actually smiling today. I really can't believe this. It is always crazy to me to think how your life can be so good one minute and the next it can be such hell. My healing has come day by day and I have always ridden the waves that ebbed and flowed. I am the kind of person who has liked to stare grief and pain straight in the face. I have never turned my back and for me this has worked very well in order to fully heal---I will never fully heal but to heal as well as I can until I hold my sweet Ollie.<br />
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<b>If you are reading this and you have just lost a child or loved one, KNOW THIS,</b><br />
You will be okay. You will keep breathing and you will one day smile again. I remember many mothers telling me this and I wanted to say, SHUT UP. But seriously, you will find the new normal for your unexpected and unwanted <i>new </i>life. The journey will be long and exhausting, but you will make the journey and there is always someone there to support you---other grieving people. The loss of a child is like non other. The pain is like non other, but you must fight through to become a warrior and in the end I think we will be STRONGER warriors than ever before our trial.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Keep going and know that I am praying for all the broken hearts out there! You can and will do this! </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">Here's to a beautiful month honoring my sweet boy who made me a mother! </span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I did a pocast with a friend who honors the hard work we do as mothers. Listen to my story <a href="http://www.marvelousmomsclub.com/ep-042-losing-a-child-and-coping-with-grief-with-tiffany-hebb/">HERE</a> </b><br /><b> </b></span>The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-27358834352188292952016-01-03T16:36:00.000-08:002016-01-03T16:48:49.816-08:00Christmas<div style="text-align: left;">
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!</div>
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We had a very quiet and simple Christmas, which allowed us to reflect on the important things of this life and the true reason for us celebrating CHRISTmas. </div>
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Since Ollie died, life has more meaning--more depth. Every holiday, every birthday and every living moment is far more special because I know first hand how a memory can be a final one.</div>
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And how a breath can also be the last. </div>
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Ollie changed the course of my life forever, obviously. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3coppFD1M-blPesdO9HKh-K1v4uZElUWeOLosk0bYtn3keDK89nfOTho2d1XDbYuRqse94ON8WGzmtRFgX137BE3IqeDSPQVNCg53gCW5bQrLLXi3CLLlmiLrxBWMKFHImmFrflblT08/s640/blogger-image-1021053770.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3coppFD1M-blPesdO9HKh-K1v4uZElUWeOLosk0bYtn3keDK89nfOTho2d1XDbYuRqse94ON8WGzmtRFgX137BE3IqeDSPQVNCg53gCW5bQrLLXi3CLLlmiLrxBWMKFHImmFrflblT08/s320/blogger-image-1021053770.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Poppy giving food and money to Debbie--a sweet 62 year old woman without an eye, who lives in a tent.</td></tr>
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He opened my eyes to the beautiful meaning of life, he opened me up to feel </div>
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broken,</div>
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love, </div>
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and many other polar opposite feelings that remind me, I am still alive and breathing--and for that I am thankful. Most of these feelings I had never experienced at such a deep level. When Adam and Eve fell in the garden, it brought about opposition in all things. It brought about sorrow and joy, pleasure and pain, sickness and health. When I first experienced these terrible feelings of grief and hopelessness, I was so thankful when I could feel any bit of happiness--even though it was underlined with an awful feeling. I kind of think grief may always be like this, an underlying feeling of longing or heaviness. As for me, 3.5 years after Ollie's death, I am still feeling the heaviness and loneliness of his physical presence. Life will never be the same, ever. I am thankful to Ollie and Heavenly Father for allowing me to love even deeper than I ever thought possible. My love, faith and hope have all increased, due to my personal pleads of soul searching.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNziYECAb5CHPTqBRhyphenhyphenxk_ts2WAiyWsLRHh2BGeoXa2Imc0nfoNhbRXWnRUwQbUzRtJcDCWPhLPwyYctskbN7yfiUM4sYtkg6rxeRpuMPzKcCEZ9ZYmklLg6o7ZFLw52H7-HWGtbBTJOo/s640/blogger-image-1449981517.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNziYECAb5CHPTqBRhyphenhyphenxk_ts2WAiyWsLRHh2BGeoXa2Imc0nfoNhbRXWnRUwQbUzRtJcDCWPhLPwyYctskbN7yfiUM4sYtkg6rxeRpuMPzKcCEZ9ZYmklLg6o7ZFLw52H7-HWGtbBTJOo/s400/blogger-image-1449981517.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My sweet parents and brother always decorate Ollies spot with luminaries and sing silent night on Christmas eve....such a special tribute</td></tr>
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Today in church I bore a testimony that I <i><b>know </b></i>God (Heavenly Father) is the master engineer of this life. He knows what works, what doesn't and what is truly best--just like I do for my children. I am thankful Jesus Christ has not left me comfortless during my times of shear devastation and horror. The dark has lifted a tad and I am beginning to see some light--that doesn't mean the pain has left, but I do see hope in something greater in the life to come. I have an immovable testimony of this. <br />
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I can't help but thank all my sincere friends through-out the world who have continued to pray for our family and have done so many sweet act of kindness. You have truly carried our burdens that they may be light and walked with those that mourn.<br />
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Mosiah 18:8-10 (Book of Mormon--translated by Joseph Smith--the most correct book here upon the face of the earth--I believe this with all my heart)<br />
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<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="8"> </a><span class="verse">8 </span>And
it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of
Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are <b>willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;</b></div>
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<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="9"> </a><span class="verse">9 </span><b>Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, </b>and to stand as witnesses
of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be
in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered
with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life—</div>
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<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="10"> </a><span class="verse">10 </span>Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?</div>
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And now I go forward with faith in the one true God, to serve my fellow men, that their burdens might be light!!!<br />
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Happy Sabbath Day!</div>
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<b>What gives your life more depth?</b><br />
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<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/fall-of-adam-and-eve?lang=eng">Click Here</a> to read more about why the fall of Adam and Eve is a blessing to all.<br />
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The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-6513133474018089042015-12-20T18:59:00.002-08:002015-12-20T20:11:48.466-08:00This time of yearMissing a child who used to live on this earth and who was your everything, this time of year is just heart wrenching. It nearly breaks my heart to think of Ollie and who he was when he was here on this earth. The cute little things he did daily that were so special to me at the time. He was my first born, he made me a mother. He showed me unconditional love. He taught me what life was all about. He was my reason to wake up each morning.<br>
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Christmas time is supposed to be happy and filled with all the dear people in your life, right? Of course it is. A time of celebration for Jesus Christ and what he accomplished her on earth. As Chris and I remember Ollie and miss him with every fiber of our being, we do know that we will be reunited with him and live forever in his presence in the eternities.<br>
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Today at church while singing the beautiful hymns about JESUS CHRIST and ANGELS, I couldn't help but think my most perfect child was in the presence of these people we were only singing about here on earth. They were all together celebrating up above. Ollie is one of those angels. How special and glorious is this? I do feel pretty honored to have a child sitting on the right hand of the man we sing about and try to be like and desire to return to. My Ollie is already there!!! Many of my friends and family all seek this gift. Today Chris and I just couldn't hold back the tears as Loxxley looked at a picture book of Ollie. The songs were sung about glorious places and angels and God and we both knew Ollie is in this glorious places we only sing about. <br>
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We sure miss our child who once laughed and played with us. We do know he is doing much more important and special things in heaven. He is needed there and we can't wait for the wonderful reunion with him.<br>
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The other day I saw a video of one of my friends who returned home from an LDS mission. The missionary first hugged him mom, the hug was so endearing and both were holding on and not wanting to let go. You could tell that both of their hearts were one and they felt complete joy at that very moment in time. I long for that with Ollie. I have visions of it happening and I know it will be the most amazing and joyful experience. EVER.<br><br>
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I still can't believe my son who once roamed the earth is no longer here. I will never accept it, but I will learn to deal with it and see the beauty in my other children. Until the day of resurrection, I hold firm to the faith in the plan of salvation. https://www.lds.org/topics/plan-of-salvation?lang=eng<div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgph1PG4NL6jXC28-2sA6ioNNfFuaBZ9pvZZ2QY0UZdpmpiAJuhd46BxXmZGkB7HFjEihdR8hPK_Mlmisk_KPvsDbnM224ywcH8iSLVJ5nxSGX9BjGFGdtLuVCBleAE9q-3hYL4EJX1NpI/s640/blogger-image-1604397943.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgph1PG4NL6jXC28-2sA6ioNNfFuaBZ9pvZZ2QY0UZdpmpiAJuhd46BxXmZGkB7HFjEihdR8hPK_Mlmisk_KPvsDbnM224ywcH8iSLVJ5nxSGX9BjGFGdtLuVCBleAE9q-3hYL4EJX1NpI/s640/blogger-image-1604397943.jpg"></a></div><br><div><br></div><div>I thank Jesus for enduring what he did for you and I, so we may live forever in his presence with God. </div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">***</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div>I just can't help but share my solid testimony <font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">in heaven, God, Jesus, plan of salvation, priesthood powers, eternal life, hope, Book of Mormon....etc. I have had to dig deep to truly believe these things after Ollie died. I believe them with all my heart. </font></div></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">P.s. My faith has never been this way until Ollie passed on to this place I have learned about all my life. </font></div>The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-37636753000948965932015-12-11T14:56:00.001-08:002016-01-02T07:56:29.500-08:00Leading Me?<div style="text-align: center;">
Is it possible for your child to lead you?</div>
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I believe so.</div>
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Because Poppy does this so often for me.</div>
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She is just so darn precious and is enlightened daily.</div>
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I find myself yelling or getting way too dang upset.</div>
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Then she calms me down and puts her hands on my face, strokes my hair, or kisses me a lot.</div>
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She is so in tune with her mother getting too upset that she can see when I need comfort.</div>
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Amazing.</div>
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Just the other day she told me that she really didn't want to grow up that fast. </div>
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She just wanted to stay small.</div>
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I think I have been hard on her because I have been hard on myself.</div>
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I am mad at the situation I can not fix---Ollie's death if you don't already know, is the big elephant in the room.</div>
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Our circumstances have made her grow up way too fast---poor little girl. </div>
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and frankly I don't really remember details about the last 2 years.</div>
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I feel bad but I do know I showed her so much love. </div><div style="text-align: center;">And she knows how much we love her!! </div>
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Grief.</div>
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It just makes life so interesting and confusing.</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">I believe Ollie is also guiding me from heaven above. I am following his light, his strength and his example. Because of his death, I am a stronger more faith driven mom. I want to be like him--as I know he is perfected and flying free. </div>
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One day I will unite with my sweet Ollie and hold until forever.</div>
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Can't wait.</div>
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^^^^^</div>
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Btw, did I mention it is still so weird and unbelievable that Ollie really died.</div>
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I will never believe it.<br>
My sweet sweet little love. </div>
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My head just can't seem to understand.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br></div>
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Is this because my spirit knows he is still very close?</div>
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He is still just as much here as when he had his body---my eyes are just closed to his spirit.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br></div>
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The veil is thin, but oh so thick.</div>
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The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-91711726352421577802015-12-11T14:54:00.000-08:002015-12-11T14:54:42.476-08:00Special moments with our ANGELYesterday Chris and Poppy took our beautiful new Alaskan Malamute on a walk in the mountains behind our house. They all had some great bonding time while Loxxley and I played at home. Chris sent me this treasured video of Poppy, talking about her drawing in the dirt being Ollie's spirit and she wants to remember him. And also about the moments before she was born, Ollie was with her and he was at the gates.<br />
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As I was giving birth to Poppy, 1 month after Ollie went to heaven,
Chris and I both envisioned that same thing at the exact same moment in
time. As Poppy was descending down the birth canal and into what we call
earth, Ollie was in heaven holding her hand and letting her be with
us....they held hands until the very last moment. Chris and I both had
this vision and talked about it after her birth.....no coincidences
here.<br />
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What?<br />
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How could Poppy know this about Ollie and the gates?<br />
She would only know what we all experienced, if it really happened...Chris and I have never mentioned this story to her. <br />
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This story was so precious to Chris and I and is just another testament that Ollie is alive and lives on--because sometimes it is just so hard to have this faith when I can not physically hold or see my 2 year old child.....<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Poppy and Ollie communicate, I know they do.</b></span><br />
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He is still in our every day lives and we know he watches over us. <br />
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I often hear Poppy giggling in her room and of course I have to go in and see what she's doing. She is usually dancing and looking in the mirror while she twirls and giggles loudly. The same day as the 'Ollie's spirit in the dirt day', Poppy said that she dances with Ollie and he twirls her around!!!<br />
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Oh how happy this makes me, I just had to share all of this.<br />
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My heart feels so much love for their relationship that they <i>still</i> have. I have been trying to be very aware of Ollie being near to us, because I know he is. I want to be in tune with his presence.<br />
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Before Ollie passed on to the next faze of eternity, I believed in coincidences. <i>Now</i>, I believe only in <b>divine intervention.</b> I believe that GOD is the master engineer and for life to run accordingly, the very finest details are worked out. Even the EXACT moment we will take our last breath or our first. Everything really does happen for a reason at the exact moment it was <i>supposed</i> to. If it were meant for Ollie to survive, he would have. Yes, it was a horrific accident, and if it were meant for me to be inspired as a mother, I would have found him sooner and been able to revive him---not the case, so I do believe our days are numbered here upon this earth and who was meant to live shall live.<br />
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***<br />
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What is living anyway?<br />
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Some people go through this life half dead...they truly are walking dead.<br />
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Are you walking dead through the motions of this life, or are you truly living?<br />
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Ollie is living, he is alive in our home and in the heavens, thanks to the one and only JESUS CHRIST.<br />
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GET OUT AND LIVE. The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-64476710443738655062015-12-01T10:32:00.001-08:002015-12-01T10:33:56.623-08:00The Season<div style="text-align: center;">
Chris and I have enjoyed the moments we get to spend with each other and the children, well two of our children!</div>
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These are the moments we live for.</div>
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We recently went to Napa for Thanksgiving. Always a fun time there with family and food--two of our favorite things!</div>
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Haight and Ashburry Street</div>
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A small crumpet for a cute girl</div>
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Yep, you are seeing it, I am nursing in San Fran. I am being discrete and modest about it, but really would anyone care in San Francisco?</div>
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First picture I feel okay about sharing since Ollie died...here we are, we are still alive and trying to thrive!</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Book of Mormon-Moroni verse 5 </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b> <a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="5"></a><span class="verse"> </span>And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.</b></span></div>
The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-90125603838643942432015-11-25T10:05:00.001-08:002015-11-25T10:09:11.026-08:00Nothing makes it betterNothing will make death of your child in this life better. <div><br></div><div>Nothing. </div><div><br></div><div>Really. <div><br><div>Yes there are things that lessen the pain like having more children and having faith and hope in seeing them again, going on beautiful adventures, watching the sunset. </div><div><br></div><div>But seriously.</div><div><br></div><div>Nothing makes it better. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS-ZMxJNvK1Q4E3zNagRFHx9foCuIgmpr1aNXgyEVK9dw4zVfhiRzYhxWmLK7L2VDdhNzOClSYNXbfdt1jnDOxUnkx3bDO_yVsp95p9tKNALBNPGpLRnYPBjU7ZD6l42nT6Cm8qbK02pk/s640/blogger-image--1289168854.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS-ZMxJNvK1Q4E3zNagRFHx9foCuIgmpr1aNXgyEVK9dw4zVfhiRzYhxWmLK7L2VDdhNzOClSYNXbfdt1jnDOxUnkx3bDO_yVsp95p9tKNALBNPGpLRnYPBjU7ZD6l42nT6Cm8qbK02pk/s640/blogger-image--1289168854.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>All these things are wonderful but when a piece of your heart is gone--you long for something more--your precious precious child. </div><div><br></div><div>I still get those panic attacks deep inside my chest that won't release themselves. They take my breath away and I feel like I'm suffocating. They are heavy and crippling. It's very hard to breathe. It's like nothing else I have EVER experienced. </div><div><br></div><div>Sometimes I just sit and stare off and wonder how my life got this way? I never imagined in all of my life a person could feel such pain. Such loss. Such despair. Such longing. Wow. It's overly INTENSE to say the least. </div><div><br></div><div>It makes me think, we need to have more compassion for what someone is going through in this life. What trials they face and smile through. We do not know someone's pain unless we have traveled that road. Jesus Christ is the only human/God to have done this--the only one who has physically lifted my pain from my chest. </div><div><br></div><div>Let's be more loving. </div><div>More compassionate and accepting. </div><div><br></div><div>Judge not that ye be not judged. I tell my self this 100 times a day. </div></div><div><br></div><div>**and holidays or any kind of family gathering alway make me miss my boy more...</div><div><br></div><div>HAPPY THANKSGIVING. </div><div><br></div><div>Thanksgiving is not a one day holiday, it is a lifestyle for happy people!!! </div></div>The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-81378607014583843582015-11-07T22:10:00.000-08:002015-11-07T22:10:07.830-08:00Inspiring woman!<div style="text-align: center;">
Wouldn't you all agree, that some of the most courageous and inspiring people have been through some of the worst things?</div>
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I truly believe that by our trials we can be made stronger than ever before--at least this is what I tell myslef so I don't lose hope.</div>
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It is rather interesting to me that when you are in the deepest and darkest places, you can still see a glimmer of light. </div>
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And you can eventuality find that light to lift you to a higher existence. </div>
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Sometimes that glimmer is from someone else pulling you up and giving you a part of their strength until you gain yours. </div>
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This is a real thing that happen.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Carrying one anothers burdens.</b></span></div>
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Time and time again, after Ollie passed on, I was so depressed and life looked so dark.</div>
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I lost a lot of hope and was so weak. </div>
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Then something would change, either by someone sending a text of hope, or a card in the mail, a giant hug when they saw me, a meaningful book, a memento to remind me of Ollie, or the many prayers offered.</div>
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All these things have sustained me in my grief until I have been able to walk on my own. </div>
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It has been a lonely journey and very personal. </div>
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Not one other soul can take it from me--except Jesus Christ.</div>
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Many times I pleaded with Him to remove my pain and He really did.</div>
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I believe our trials will make us stronger!!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Share your hardships--don't' keep things in, you never know who needs your example. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
^^^^^</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So, some inspiring woman that have helped me see some light and are a positive influence for good in this often dark world. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
These woman are amazing. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Thank you for your influence in my life!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
You are so courageous.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXGegMgEJ_YsxzgE4Tfyhm4WnPdPY8NDINekW7RptYGnQiJkCpii7gjlruToGinL3HQB5Tcbuab_cxQPiATuj7S5bxUhrsgab1WtonJUqkxGK2RptxKg8zJLRaCQHRTJnS7sj0dwOqMXs/s1600/u32_Stephanie-Nielson.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXGegMgEJ_YsxzgE4Tfyhm4WnPdPY8NDINekW7RptYGnQiJkCpii7gjlruToGinL3HQB5Tcbuab_cxQPiATuj7S5bxUhrsgab1WtonJUqkxGK2RptxKg8zJLRaCQHRTJnS7sj0dwOqMXs/s320/u32_Stephanie-Nielson.gif" width="213" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Stephanie Nielson</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She was badly burned in an plane crash and lived to take care of her 5 children.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She is doing great things with her tragedy and inspiring many mothers.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Read about her daily struggles. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/2015/11/families.html">http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/2015/11/families.html</a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg221Bal9BhdrnnU5FGxYQYfMA40M9tzM94bb4gPezshij0ywr2GUbagLovHCEd3HXx85rIo4QAcVRh6RNXWfb73LJ_7tpq_ZZbSca64bsnzckfTtdHyO4K6CDErMEq9bN8QkALTP7RgmI/s1600/carey-about.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg221Bal9BhdrnnU5FGxYQYfMA40M9tzM94bb4gPezshij0ywr2GUbagLovHCEd3HXx85rIo4QAcVRh6RNXWfb73LJ_7tpq_ZZbSca64bsnzckfTtdHyO4K6CDErMEq9bN8QkALTP7RgmI/s320/carey-about.jpg" width="172" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Carey Lohrenz</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
First woman F14 Tomcat fighter pilot for the navy.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She is an amzing speaker and encourages every woman to be their best selves.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The skies the limit. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She is one tough chick.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://careylohrenz.com/">http://careylohrenz.com/</a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br /><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqfonW_pw-6OtN_Ja7vKmBGCaqIzkAw8G5Cp1lw5sv8kMBddcScI5X5JSBZ9v8tX7lmGxVAf0s_Lpqxt4iPXu-Pdef_e_lYs6PLGfLYb0pQWdWAvOJL9bm-iFMhPfhC2BuSBABZ5sJ51w/s1600/PAG_7976-e1350968108944.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqfonW_pw-6OtN_Ja7vKmBGCaqIzkAw8G5Cp1lw5sv8kMBddcScI5X5JSBZ9v8tX7lmGxVAf0s_Lpqxt4iPXu-Pdef_e_lYs6PLGfLYb0pQWdWAvOJL9bm-iFMhPfhC2BuSBABZ5sJ51w/s320/PAG_7976-e1350968108944.jpg" width="320" /></a> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Nicole Rasmussen </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She is a blind mother who does everything you and I do as mothers.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She is truly amazing in every way and her story brought me a lot of HOPE.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Read how she makes dinner every night---blind. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.blindmom.com/about/">http://www.blindmom.com/about/</a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ-vjx6aTIjbhKKr5A0XaqoJxqDE_9aCNdMyCU4_6H5gtJ0HMAJj9sc0-ODJ-4YIAuMxTzsJJjRfsp156XdeVWC2qaH68-zyWCI_b4mPimje-lQvnuzs4IqWJrBEpwKHHNnazmXvu9dfs/s1600/6397456-3x2-940x627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ-vjx6aTIjbhKKr5A0XaqoJxqDE_9aCNdMyCU4_6H5gtJ0HMAJj9sc0-ODJ-4YIAuMxTzsJJjRfsp156XdeVWC2qaH68-zyWCI_b4mPimje-lQvnuzs4IqWJrBEpwKHHNnazmXvu9dfs/s320/6397456-3x2-940x627.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Turia Pitt</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She was in a bush fire at a marathon.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She is beautiful inside and out.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Turia is doing so much with her unfortunate circumstance and blessing lives. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://turiapitt.com/">http://turiapitt.com/</a> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
These are just a few woman I follow online and they inspire to be my best self!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>You should be your best self too. </b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>You are loved.</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>You are beautiful </b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>and </b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>you are of Godly decent.</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Rise to your potential!</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-15289590751227026982015-11-02T12:13:00.001-08:002015-11-02T12:34:55.067-08:00You are stonger than you thought<div style="text-align: center;">
My two boys! </div>
<br /><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Both boys are the same age here! </b></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJSy2QH99LYyxm1BfpUcpQZj9yLARm9fzHKWmksjXptGAkotqSuhrCHVIZ1FJ4ZxxUXYFIw4USqkqPdur9UVnfZ_j4_cmevJEH4WoOThxYMM_WFggcXa3lJ9lqsyB1oD6EqiZeHTKNDck/s1600/IMG_3752.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJSy2QH99LYyxm1BfpUcpQZj9yLARm9fzHKWmksjXptGAkotqSuhrCHVIZ1FJ4ZxxUXYFIw4USqkqPdur9UVnfZ_j4_cmevJEH4WoOThxYMM_WFggcXa3lJ9lqsyB1oD6EqiZeHTKNDck/s400/IMG_3752.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
I love dressing Loxxley in Ollie's clothes. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
All day yesterday I felt like Loxx was really Ollie- I kept doing a double take to see if it was really OLLIE! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It was this weird feeling-but very neat too.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The truth is, Ollie lives on in my children. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I see him and feel him through them.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-X1SgCCecrIoGTvLVvEqzsAEIqymhomz_9o9WmQq0bIQtSLOCBpW5OtBr6IlUZuGiG4KTSsxPSSEfeDlFZQ509yNWJ0hCLVqwjjWfit9oO1WfztqieQca9mnV52Li19mUcRLkcj4NT8g/s1600/unnamed.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-X1SgCCecrIoGTvLVvEqzsAEIqymhomz_9o9WmQq0bIQtSLOCBpW5OtBr6IlUZuGiG4KTSsxPSSEfeDlFZQ509yNWJ0hCLVqwjjWfit9oO1WfztqieQca9mnV52Li19mUcRLkcj4NT8g/s400/unnamed.png" width="298" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I still keep Ollies clothes in the dresser and in the closet-he is still a member of our daily life. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Might sound crazy to you.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But for me it's healing and just perfect.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I often put his underwear or the unwashed clothing on my face and take a deep breathe in, crying quickly before Poppy comes in needing something, as I think of his soul and ask him to be near--I never let anyone see me doing this...ha ha, might look pretty weird. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Can you picture it now? </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Undies on my head as I'm sniffing them?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Grieving the death of a child is intense.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
it's unnatural.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
it's unfair.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and it hurts.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We don't have any guidelines for this pain.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and nothing could ever prepare us for this catastrophic event.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Do what brings healing into your life.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Do what feels right to you individually.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Acknowledge the pain, the sorrow, the loss.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Turn directly to it, embrace it with open arms and jump over it.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This is where you will find the most healing.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>YOU ARE SO MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
//What crazy things do you do to help you heal// </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>***</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Ecclesiastes 3:1-2<br />"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:<br />A time to be born and a time to die."</i></b> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-12503385779629353182015-10-31T13:27:00.002-07:002015-11-02T10:25:45.343-08:00Left Behind???<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
That shear panic sets in as you
thought you left your child behind at the grocery store.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Have you ever experienced this?</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
I'm sure you all have had some taste of this panic? </div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Now times that by 90.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Let me tell you, it's INTENSE.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Horror. </div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Worry.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Distress. </div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Shock.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Disbelief. </div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Panic.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Helplessness.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Yep, that's exactly what grief feels
like every--stinkin--single--day--but it does change through out the day and through out the years. Some days it is this intense, but hopefully not every waking minute.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Your broken heart aches constantly and you feel
anxiety to the core of your being, because something is wrong and you just can't seem to ever fix it.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
As mothers, we like to fix things. </div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
RIGHT?</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Especially with our sweet children.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
I remember walking out of that cold
hospital after we unwillingly took Ollie off life support, and not knowing what to do next.
I felt oh so helpless and scared. I didn't want this for my life and wanted it
to be fixed right away. </div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
There is no fixing of this heavy burden called, grief.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
It will be carried on your heart and in your
life always and forever until you take your last breath.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Makes me pretty depressed actually to
think about this.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
How is one expected to live with
the feeling of a rat chewing on your insides, or the feeling of bricks placed upon your chest not allowing for a full breathe in? </div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
and you just have to <b><i>deal
</i></b>with it?</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
It's nearly impossible.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
and you almost die yourself because
of it. </div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
It creeps up at every holiday-as today is Halloween,
at birthday celebrations and every family party.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Not much helps.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Time heals, I guess.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
or do the memories just fade?</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Its rather sad if you ask me.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
^^^^^^^^^^</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
One thing I hold onto with an iron fist and I will never let go of, is the fact of seeing Ollie again one day. And I do know he is always a prayer away. I try to be in-tune so I may feel him daily!</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Grief just molds you into something new.</div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
I am a new human because of GRIEF.<br />
And hope to one day be a beautiful piece of work before my death. </div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
PLEASE SHARE YOUR DESCRIPTIONS OF GRIEF OR LOSS</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-42504820892797863872015-10-01T14:37:00.002-07:002015-10-01T14:39:06.111-07:00What Do You Seek?I think the world has always ebbed and flowed in light and darkness since time began. I feel like the light is slowing fading off the earth in so many ways, but I also feel like the earth is burning with this beautiful light.<br />
<br />
I choose to seek out the LIGHT!!!! <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyusytz9spfKX61Mjy1B1r7MGvJ1u_trrJrKVCT1Fs2noDtvqb7ImSVd1Swm5hE8rpN8u8PUZoyQsg0A8MbinX9S75IGveP88AQUeRyDCQvVbTRYGWDn1oqc_l4uSyL3E706czEAxQjrQ/s1600/66e8431575448664d854b2e6d7d54ffb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyusytz9spfKX61Mjy1B1r7MGvJ1u_trrJrKVCT1Fs2noDtvqb7ImSVd1Swm5hE8rpN8u8PUZoyQsg0A8MbinX9S75IGveP88AQUeRyDCQvVbTRYGWDn1oqc_l4uSyL3E706czEAxQjrQ/s400/66e8431575448664d854b2e6d7d54ffb.jpg" width="282" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I am not sure why I talk about this <b>LIGHT </b>so much....<br />
<br />
Actually I do know.<br />
<br />
Ollie is there!!!<br />
<br />
I seek this light he now sees, experiences, and exists in. <br />
<br />
Have you ever read the book, <b><u>HEAVEN IS FOR REAL? </u></b>It's about a 6 years olds experience visiting heaven, and its for real! Everyone should read this book, young and old.<br />
<br />
>>>>><br />
<br />
Children are so in tune to life. Late last night we drove past Ollie's spot, we randomly decided to stop. It was dark outside--I had never been to his spot in the dark. It was more beautiful that I thought to see all the burial spots lit up with different colored lights. Chris and I told both of our kids to kiss Ollie's picture-as they always do. I started to cry and tell them how much I miss their big brother. Poppy climb on my lap, gave me a big kiss and said, "Mom, we will see him again"<br />
<br />
It was so perfect and meant so much to me at that moment. How did she know to comfort me in this way???<br />
<br />
Poppy often comforts me, her mom. SIMPLY AMAZING.<br />
<br />
>>>>><br />
<br />
So, speaking of light, I can't tell you how much happier and how much healing has come since I have tried to find this light within myself. We are all born with this light. Last June, I decided I needed to heal myself and I needed some intense work in order to care for my young children.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIFXunM4CM6N25lsTulvP_gYJXU3nZwvGnh1W3dJWrF1wivoRnyRvRldjHPuWj9vjowYooBB_LrcCM6tlveRui0DZM97UKwsBGPTAgfTkGk_ftM9vKPjr_9O0upiMHieCgFFruVXPNzWM/s1600/f9af0c6392d0fb6c3cf661e8dedc2abc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIFXunM4CM6N25lsTulvP_gYJXU3nZwvGnh1W3dJWrF1wivoRnyRvRldjHPuWj9vjowYooBB_LrcCM6tlveRui0DZM97UKwsBGPTAgfTkGk_ftM9vKPjr_9O0upiMHieCgFFruVXPNzWM/s400/f9af0c6392d0fb6c3cf661e8dedc2abc.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I have since done so many things that have helped and I would like to share them for future grievers or people dealing with anxiety or dperession.<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>I started an intense yoga teacher training--I had to dig deep and let my emotions release, it has been very healing to not run away from my crazy emotions.</li>
<li>I ordered a Bach mixture made just for my grief, anger, nightmares, depression, fear and anxiety. It really helped my overall out look on life.</li>
<li>I moved to the sunshine. The sun is where I have found so much relief from my stresses.</li>
<li>I have tried to hang onto my hope and faith in seeing Ollie and use it as motivation to help others.</li>
<li>I connected with other mommas who had lost a child--so much healing has come from me reaching out and them reaching back--it heals the heart to connect in this way.</li>
<li> I tried to forget my self--which in turns heals myself by giving love to others who need just a bit more love and kindness.</li>
<li>I try to be thankful for what I DO HAVE, not what I don't have--its just too intense. </li>
</ul>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">"We are all broken, that's how the light gets in" -Ernest Hemingway</span></b><br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Go find your light and share it!!!!</span></b><br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">XOXO </span></b><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<u> </u>The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-44421342346386889612015-09-15T21:12:00.000-07:002015-09-15T21:27:15.500-07:00The lightToday I was driving in the car listening to the music really loud, which I hardly ever do, but <b><i>today </i></b>I just needed to yell out the song and let some steam off. After the song was over I was thinking back to right after Ollie died---as I do daily. It seemed as if I had been encapsulated in a <b>power of light.</b> I couldn't even begin to think about talking negatively about anyone, listen to loud music that did't sound like angels singing, swear or watch any violence on the TV. It seemed as if I was only seeking positive things and this pure light. I wanted only happy things to surround me. It was pretty blissful even though I felt and still feel this deep heartbreaking pain.<br />
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Now.....</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
that spirit of extreme goodness is slowly leaving me. I am not saying I'm now bad, but the pureness that was felt and carried along with me is fading a bit and I don't like it. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I think, when others hear about a child tragically passing on, they tend to pray constantly for that family---those prayers are felt and surround the family. <b>Chris and I literally felt those prayers.</b>...there are not even words to describe the power, but <b>we were physically carried by many angels--here on earth and angels not of this world.</b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Simply Amazing..... </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
I loved all those feelings of blissfulness, I really do, but I do believe that is not of this world. I did get a sweet taste of heaven and the eternities and I can't wait for those days again when I transfer to the heavens to be with my children and family! </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
^^^^^^</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So, lets be honest......our society is so confused. I get confused too, as to what is right and wrong. I feel as if people are denying the very thought of heaven, God, eternities, faith, hope, love, self respect, the belief in angels, eternal life, families, and themselves.....they seem to be turning to what is cool or socially acceptable at that moment. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
EMOTION IS LOST.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I have felt this burning inside of my body to share my strong conviction of HEAVEN, GOD, and ETERNITY.....It is all for real and my son lives there. I can't help but seek a place I long to go and reside with my son.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Have you ever asked if these things are really true on your knees with a pure heart????</span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I have.</div>
<div>
And they burn with in my entire body. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I seek that perfect light my son is resinating.</div>
<div>
I seek heaven, that place I will enter someday soon.</div>
<div>
I seek God and Jesus Christ, the masters of the Universe.</div>
<div>
and you should too.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
We can seek all theses things and still, we are all imperfect......Since time began, man has seeked the heavens.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjImBirVAUh-4eyslS5sltMJ-Iq5imDO37wROeDsI9ydGGy8HlK7IQPVFNkCQZwIZ-7M033yTkPCcnlLPO5guzqNwCjJw8cTNKZrnDMxrBYWmImHH3ZSFDOMthjff58ImkASa-LRUwIk6M/s640/blogger-image--230654531.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjImBirVAUh-4eyslS5sltMJ-Iq5imDO37wROeDsI9ydGGy8HlK7IQPVFNkCQZwIZ-7M033yTkPCcnlLPO5guzqNwCjJw8cTNKZrnDMxrBYWmImHH3ZSFDOMthjff58ImkASa-LRUwIk6M/s400/blogger-image--230654531.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNoWY8-_MA12E408ootx0DM-uDaG2gkd8ksWXR-PF8vsr4_DHmLop1lqC97Od4w9OPKSkHFhAhK7QBZk1oUpT08eUxgeSVZOMVU9oAl9PIvOAb6FNJkek6nizXydNLmLtb4-m0k51Wfng/s640/blogger-image--519636183.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNoWY8-_MA12E408ootx0DM-uDaG2gkd8ksWXR-PF8vsr4_DHmLop1lqC97Od4w9OPKSkHFhAhK7QBZk1oUpT08eUxgeSVZOMVU9oAl9PIvOAb6FNJkek6nizXydNLmLtb4-m0k51Wfng/s400/blogger-image--519636183.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My peanuts bring me into the light!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-13021625729177077972015-08-27T15:37:00.003-07:002015-08-27T15:39:25.367-07:00That dang washerDid you know I hate that stupid machine??? It makes me made every time I even look at it. I am still aboard that crazy roller coaster, experiencing bad and good days......the bad, crying moments only last a few minutes luckily. If you did happen to see me around town, you would proabably say I appear to be happy. I am happy, but there are times through out the day where I just sit and hate almost EVERYTHING....except my family, friends, and children! I get very depressed and have anger settle over my entire body.....This feeling is quickly removed from me the moment Poppy or tiny--aka. Loxxley, crawl on me and kiss me!!<br>
<br>
^^^^^<br>
<br>
Last night my sweet mom was washing the sheets because my sister had just gone home and Chris and I wanted to move into the bigger room. The sheets had been washing for a while now and I went to take them out and put them into the dryer. As I opened the lid the exact same picture overtook my mind----when I found sweet Ollie.<br>
<br>
AAWWWW....YUCK...it really hurts my lungs, my back, my heart, my brain, and every inch of my body to think about that horrific moment finding my Ollie boy--the moment that significantly changed my life forever here on earth and in the eternities. <br>
<br>
As I starred looking at the sheets, in that cold ugly washing machine--exactly what I was washing the day Ollie fell in.<br>
<br>
I know, I too feel the intense pressure in my chest. Right now I almost can't breathe. Sometimes it doesn't affect me like this...other times I can barely say the words.<br>
<br>
I seriously imagined Ollie in there....I almost put my hands in to feel him. My mind thought I was back at that exact awful moment. Thank goodness I don't ever have to find Ollie dead again---it sounds so weird and it really trips my mind out--this grief thing. this death thing. this burying your child thing....it's all awful and it's all hard to comprehend and accept.<br>
<br>
I slammed the washer lid and ran up stairs to tell my mom the washer had gotten stuck on the first cycle with a full load of water.<br>
<br>
I was angry at that stupid thing that took Ollie's life----I have to remind myself that we all will die one day and I can't really think of a perfect way for Ollie to have died other than peacefully in his sleep. I really think that there is an angel of death that peacefully removes all pain the moment we die....<br>
<br>
WHAT DO YOU THINK? Or does this just bring peace to my soul?<br>
<br>
<br>
I find my HOPE today in one day seeing sweet Ollie again. I find hope in knowing he is in the other room and very close to me. He is aware. He lives on. He is real. He was and is my son.<br>
<br>
Live in the moment before it passes.....say your sorry first. Love more, hug more and be kinder!!<div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU1FA6ZDVFwYjw-rTXQt4KP7XuIl7YUgsVHeYvjMNTOrjgOrPqUCzQhFxvuC03ME-7YEu8cQqt6ERDBzwmaSrA9cOgLEWiL8Ikk5c27pJJ5owwFx0-lr3YrYO5mVcWmY_rLZwn6dKahlE/s640/blogger-image-2019907012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU1FA6ZDVFwYjw-rTXQt4KP7XuIl7YUgsVHeYvjMNTOrjgOrPqUCzQhFxvuC03ME-7YEu8cQqt6ERDBzwmaSrA9cOgLEWiL8Ikk5c27pJJ5owwFx0-lr3YrYO5mVcWmY_rLZwn6dKahlE/s640/blogger-image-2019907012.jpg"></a></div><br>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju0m4cnMKNxyDsnw2pbZt-8u0aNa7n3M24WU3Tfk6l-yiUpDcS5dIEz-kB_OSvOBSvTDUr_Q6sbIP2N5d7nZWiedm8S88IQ6TlirT-4v_bGiM24WB0QoQGcLPb9mUikkpO9BrUz9nLXWU/s640/blogger-image--779314952.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju0m4cnMKNxyDsnw2pbZt-8u0aNa7n3M24WU3Tfk6l-yiUpDcS5dIEz-kB_OSvOBSvTDUr_Q6sbIP2N5d7nZWiedm8S88IQ6TlirT-4v_bGiM24WB0QoQGcLPb9mUikkpO9BrUz9nLXWU/s640/blogger-image--779314952.jpg"></a></div><br>
^^^^^<br>
<br>
I often find myself wondering why Ollie had to die in such a freaky, horrific way? I have never heard of this happening to another person. Who could have ever imagined this? Surely not me. He was too big and way too smart. I don't even know how he physically fit in there...once again, makes my stomach turn thinking about it. I honestly think--call me crazy, but I think that by Ollie dying in this manner allowed more lives to be touched. This is all I can seem to come up with. It was such a shocking way that seemed to reach millions. Every person I randomly tell about the accident has already heard about it on the news. I know for certain Ollie has reached many, just like the random guy who said he has a special connection with Ollie and Ollie is his guardian angel. Wow. Pretty cool!<br>
<br>
<br>
^^^^^<br>
<br>
JOHN 4<br>
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="" name="14" style="background-color: #fefbbf; background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; color: #0091bc; font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.200000762939453px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </a><span class="verse" style="background-color: #fefbbf; background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; font-weight: 700; line-height: 25.200000762939453px; margin: 0px 1px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">14 </span><span style="background-color: #fefbbf; color: #333333; font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never </span><span style="background-color: #fefbbf; color: #333333; font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">thirst</span><span style="background-color: #fefbbf; color: #333333; font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water </span><span style="background-color: #fefbbf; color: #333333; font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">springing up</span><span style="background-color: #fefbbf; color: #333333; font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.200000762939453px;"> into </span><span style="background-color: #fefbbf; color: #333333; font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">everlasting life</span><span style="background-color: #fefbbf; color: #333333; font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">.</span></div>The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-86615238916663398742015-08-24T09:32:00.001-07:002015-08-24T09:32:50.902-07:00Casket PicsSometimes I find myself thinking I am <b><span style="font-size: large;">stronger</span></b> than I really am.<br />
<br />
I am staying at my parents house for a few months and for a while now, I have wanted to see the pictures of Ollie in his casket.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Not sure why I feel this strong desire?</span></b><br />
<br />
So, my mom found the pictures hidden on her computer and pulled them up for me, very slowly.<br />
<br />
I prepared myself as we looked at the pictures of the displays we had put up to remember all of Ollie's favorite things.<br />
<br />
Then, came the top of his head in the casket, I saw his sweet blonde hair groomed ever so nice.<br />
<br />
<b>I softly began to let out a cry.</b><br />
<br />
Then the next picture,<br />
<br />
Ollie's sweet face......this is where I began to sob.<br />
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The <b><span style="font-size: large;">tears</span></b> came flooding down my face.<br />
<br />
I quickly turned my head and sobbed.<br />
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I had to tell my mom, I couldn't handle this like I thought.<br />
<br />
I just could not handle the look of death and remembering his body all frozen in time.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">My sweet Ollie.</span></b><br />
<br />
His precious body laid to rest.<br />
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Sometimes I am weak....and that is understandable, I suppose.<br />
<br />
Here's to the eternities.....and Ollie living on in my every breath.<br />
<br />
<br />
^^^^^^<br />
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<b><br /></b>
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><b>Revelations 21:4</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><b>And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.</b></span><span class="p" style="color: #001320; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 13px; text-align: justify;"><br /></span>The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-49972922034579980092015-08-13T16:00:00.001-07:002015-08-13T16:00:29.354-07:00HappyThat last picture and post was a lot....it was HEAVY-I know....but needed. For me, and for you all. I have always been someone who seeks self improvment daily---I do understand some do not wish to change or do better...I think it's ignorant, but that's just my thoughts.<br />
<br />
So much love came out of the last post. THANK YOU! I feel your love. And I love you all deeply. <br />
<br />
I needed to see something HAPPY now on my blog.....<br />
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Ollie, my little gentle peanut, who loved pretzels just like his daddy and other siblings. Keep inspiring us all to be better and kinder. Help us to live a better life because we knew you and your love for all things. Your sweetest was too pure and too lovely for this earth. Rest my child until I hold you again. Please stay near your family and those who love you. And keep being the best guardian a momma could ask for!<br />
<br />
^^^^^^^^^<br />
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The biggest thing I have learned form grief is to keep living. I have to keep going. I have to keep breathing, serving and loving......and fighting. <br />
<br />
Need some hope, click the link... <br />
<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1992/04/doors-of-death?lang=eng">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1992/04/doors-of-death?lang=eng</a><br />
The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-47415570688432074802015-08-10T12:16:00.000-07:002015-08-10T21:04:39.522-07:00too uncomfortable?<br>
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((FYI: I am a grieving mom who expresses myself openly and freely. This does not mean I need counseling or that I'm not doing ok. And this is not an exact story that took place--it's how I feel inside. And it's healthy to express this))<div><br>
You avoid me because its just too uncomfortable???<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Death, dying, drowning....</b></span><br>
<br>
You have <i>never </i>talked about my son since the day he died.<br>
<br>
We just carried on like nothing had happened while you talked about the color you wanted to paint you kitchen...not one mention about Ollie's accident---the giant elephant in the room, or so I thought.<br>
<br>
Never even once asked how I am really doing.<br>
<br>
It's just too damn awkward and uncomfortable....so you avoid it ALL together.<br>
<br>
Are you kidding me?<br>
<br>
<b>Too uncomfortable for you, how could this be? You should have seen how uncomfortable it was to find your precious child almost dead?</b><br>
<br>
You didn't find you child lifeless in that cursed washing machine or have to yank his fragile body out of it--I sure hope no one every experiences this heart crushing pain.<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: large;">Did you wail while your child was blue, cold and lifeless as doctors tried with all their power to save your precious son?</span><br>
<br>
Nope. You didn't.<br>
<br>
Boy, was all that uncomfortable and unwanted. <br>
<br>
Have you ever felt this immense pain while your child gasped for 6 long hours while he slowly took his last breathes in your arms---as you wept to the heavens?<br>
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Oh, its just too UNCOMFORTABLE. I see.<br>
<br>
And still you don't even mention this horrific elephant that is all encompassing and debilitating.<br>
<br>
And when you saw me you didn't just wrapped your arms around me and hold me up from falling from <b>exhaustion</b>---you barley said a hello because it was just too damn awkward.<br>
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wow, I mourn in my disbelief at the disconnection.<br>
<br>
I thought you could see and feel my pain?<br>
<br>
<b>Nope you couldn't.</b><br>
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I just don't understand your lack of showing concern.....<br>
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I do pardon you though...you just must not fully understand the loss of a child--and I hope you NEVER do.<br>
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^^^^^<br>
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I seriously am in aw at how detached we are from our spirits. I can not believe we don't just hug each other all the time. We are all going through so much in this life. Many of us are just way.too.stiff. and closed off.<br>
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I get it. You are just not used to touch, hugging, and opening up your heart......that can change. We all need more love...especially after holding your child as they die. <span style="font-size: large;">Grieving is so intense, I thought my body would fall apart and cease to function. and still, not many hugs were offered</span>.<br>
<br>
<b>How is this possible?</b><br>
<br>
I can guarantee there are so many people out there that just need a gigantic <b>hug</b>. Get outside of your comfort zone, your bubble, your shell and give a much needed hug! Do it!<br>
<br>
<b>Go HUG someone!</b><br>
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(((And this is why I feel compelled to reach out and hug my grieving mothers as I hear of their horrible tragedy.))))<br>
<br>
>>>>>MAY WE ALL CONNECT AT A DEEPER LEVEL TODAY.<br>
>>>>>>>>and a giant shout out to a select few who have grabbed me and held me up as I cried in your arms...and all my cyber friends and family who wish to hug me but can't. I love you all!!</div>The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-4774141334793362272015-07-31T17:46:00.001-07:002015-08-02T21:44:48.443-07:00HEART<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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How do you repair a broken heart?</div>
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Where do you begin?</div>
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Do you start picking up the tiny, shattered pieces?</div>
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Is it even really possible to mend?</div>
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Will it ever be the same heart again?<br>
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Please share!<br>
<br>
I experienced such pain the moment I found Ollie dead that I thought I might die too. It was more horrific than I have words to describe. From others who have experienced such loss---this is totally normal. I can tell you it really really sucks and is awful but, you can survive through this pain.<br>
<br>
Here is a link to an actual cause of death---A Broken Heart<br>
<a href="http://www.heart.org/HEARTORG/Conditions/More/Cardiomyopathy/Is-Broken-Heart-Syndrome-Real_UCM_448547_Article.jsp">http://www.heart.org/HEARTORG/Conditions/More/Cardiomyopathy/Is-Broken-Heart-Syndrome-Real_UCM_448547_Article.jsp</a></div>
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The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-46587571463117702352015-07-31T17:33:00.000-07:002015-07-31T17:33:14.995-07:00Yep, Grief is still here<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I still have nightmares of my children drowning.<br />
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Yep, It's pretty awful. <br />
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The dreams leave me with anxiety for the rest of the day-crummy way to start the day.<br />
I wake up from my dream as if I had just experienced another death of my child, of course it's not the exact same but, I sure wish I could have a blissful dream occasionally.<br />
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Why do I have to live everyday in a nightmare and also experience nightmares in my dreams?<br />
<br />
Seems a bit unfair to me, don't you think?<br />
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YEP. <br />
<br />
^^^^^<br />
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I also, still catch myself not breathing properly through out the day. <br />
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All of the sudden I will be out of breath and realize I hadn't even exerted myslef.<br />
<br />
THANKS FOR NOTHING GRIEF.<br />
<br />So, I know its from not taking deep breathes, I am constantly shallow breathing and can't seem to ever fully BREATHE.<br />
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This is just another side effect of grieving-it stress out the body and doesn't allow you to fully relax---ever. Chris explains it well, "Grief feels as if a heavy brick is resting on your chest and you can't take a full breath in." <br />
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Yeah sounds nice, right?<br />
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NOPE.<br />
<br />
^^^^^<br />
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Grief has caused me to be more angry than I could have ever imagined.<br />
<br />ANGER. RAGE. MADNESS.<br />
<br />
I was sitting in bed the other night thinking of how mad I have been since Ollie died. I have NEVER experienced such anger and rage in my entire life. Through out my childhood I have never felt these feelings---it makes sense because I had never loved this deeply until my little buddy was born and so the loss is going to be just as deep.<br />
<br />
Longing to hold my first born, <br />
wondering where my child is,<br />
finding happiness daily and living a NEW NORMAL, sure are tough ones to handle and I am not very good at it, I just miss every inch of him. <br />
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The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-33009496280424696972015-07-29T11:26:00.002-07:002015-07-29T11:27:37.130-07:00The child after....<div style="text-align: center;">
Dear Poppy</div>
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You are so special to momma!</div>
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I want you to know this and feel it with every fiber of your body through out your entire life. </div>
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You are just as important and as special as your older brother Ollie. </div>
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I love you just as much, never forget that my sweet thing.</div>
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You went through a lot with momma after Ollie died. </div>
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You held on in my tummy and fought through the painful month with me, I know you could feel everything I was experiencing and I am so sorry for that. </div>
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You came into the world at the perfect moment when we needed you most. </div>
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You were so brave to follow after such a horrible experience and you knew how difficult it would be.</div>
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YOU ARE MY HERO. </div>
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You are forever our beautiful and colorful rainbow after the treacherous storm and you brought a ray of sunshine and hope the minute you entered this earth! </div>
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THANK YOU! </div>
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You are just so special to me, my little girl.</div>
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Keep spreading your sunshine and light to those in the dark.</div>
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I love you Poppy Kai Hebb</div>
The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066195049302114364.post-16171520855931128302015-07-27T11:31:00.001-07:002015-07-27T11:45:19.559-07:00INWARD<div style="text-align: center;">
Some days are harder than others---just like everyone's own life. </div>
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The reality that my sweet little Ollie will not ever be here upon this earth until the morning of the first resurrection, hits me like a brick to the gut. </div>
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I get so woozy just accepting this FACT of my <i>new </i>life. </div>
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I really don't like it at all---but there is not.one.single.thing I can do to change it. That really sucks....we can never go back and change things to be how we want. Sometimes I just can't accept that Ollie really died before my eyes, he took his last fighting breath while in his mom and dads arms, we really buried his precious 34 inch body( I only know how long he was because we had to fit him for his casket----awww how horrible) and he is no longer physically at our home. People often tell me that he is with me, but I don't see him or feel him very often, I have only dreamt of him once in 3.5 years--it's jut a constant fight to see the hope. Little things have shown me he is near and I do get tender mercies but seriously that is not enough. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Faith is damn hard. </div>
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Can I say that again? </div>
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FAITH IS DAMN HARD especially after the most trying event---your child passing on from this earth and in a horrible, disgusting, traumatic way. </div>
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It really is quite torturous and life long. </div>
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As long as I am breathing I will forever miss my Ollie boy and there will forever be a whole in my delicate, but oh so resilient heart.</div>
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This past year has been more healing than I could have imagined as I focus inward and on healing myself. The pain is still very real and present in my body but, I have learned what works for me to bring me joy while still experiencing the pain. </div>
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<b>It is often a minute to minute struggle. </b></div>
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One must really dig to the core of their soul, the core of their being. One must look inward and find that peace. It is there. It might be hardly noticeable, but you will find it. </div>
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I have been meditating and practicing yoga to help with my intense PTSD. I have learned to use yoga/prayer/meditation as a way to function in my daily life. It gives me the peace as I face challenging times. It's a way to quite the mind and see God inside of you---the light is glowing within. When I am quite I have felt Ollie so near. I have felt the pain so intensely inside of my heart that I thought it might burst out of my body, as I lay and sob with grief and then I feel the peace. It does come, but only after the shear devastation and agony. </div>
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I know the peace, the joy, and the happiness will be experienced one day when I hold Ollie again. I know the dawn will come and the son/sun will rise again. I believe with all my broken heart that Jesus Christ has made it possible for all of us to live again. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Body and soul reunited!</b></span></div>
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I can't wait to witness this miracle and run to my precious Ollie. </div>
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My new favorite quote which I believe to be true.</div>
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Take a deep look inward---see what you can find. Just sit and be. What you seek will seek you!</div>
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BTW I sure love my two living children.....</div>
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<br />The Hebbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.com0