Little Loxxley!!!

Doernbecher neonatal intensive care unit

•Our little guy is doing well and growing about 10grams a day! 

•He is tolerating 20ml of breast milk. 

•He is pooping and peeing. 

•He is on cpap to force room air (21%) into his lungs to help the alveoli not collapse. 

•At times, through out the day he does need a bit of help with oxygen, but majority of times he is on just room air. 

•He still has a feeding tube which will hopefully be removed in 2-3 weeks and I can begin nursing him!!! 

•I have a cold sore which I have now had for a week, so I'm not allowed in the NICU.
Oh my goodness.
Darn it's hard to not see my little peanut.
The herpes virus can kill a preemie with in hours. Not worth even getting near him or any other preemies. 

•Chris has done the kangaroo hold all week!! They both LOVE it. Loxxley even opened his eyes for a while and turned to Chris when he heard his voice...tender. 

•Chris and I have both changed his tiny diaper and given him a taste of breast milk to coat his dry lips and mouth.

**We are so touched at the kind things done for us. I say this all the time, but it's true, we can never repay you all, but we will continue to pay it forward. 

Thank you 

Thank you

Thank you

for all the faith in me, my baby and my family. I am weak, so weak, but you all make me strong. You lift me, you inspire me, you hold me up, and you pray for me. It means the world to Chris and I and we couldn't survive without all the genuine love.

With that said, I could still just cry every minute. My heart hurts, it aches and it's broken. My breathing is shallow and I find myself constantly taking a deep breath because I forget to breathe. Tears pouring down my face are always just a thought away-but I am real good at pushing those away lately. When it's all too much, I just don't think.

I can't go there. I just can't. 

I am numb. 

Surviving. 

Living in disbelief. 

Dreaming of better days....