What day is it anyway?

OHSU-still here.......

I havent updated you all on things because the last two days were a little scary and crazy-yes, so fitting for Halloween., all you blood lovers........ha

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I woke up in the morning feeling a little weird, and had mild cramping randomly through out the night-remember I thought it was just a bowel movement? Well, I was wrong. 

I started to bleed and was so nervous. The nurse called the doctor in and she checked me and suggested I move downstairs where I could get one on one care and be monitor more closely.

 I called Chris, no answer. I called my mom, no answer. I even called my neighbor to go get my mom, no answer. 

I was thinking I might be going into labor and was so concerned about the thought of my, less than 2lb. baby arriving so soon.

I was moved downstairs and the bleeding continued. Chris, Poppy (little clown) and my mom soon arrived.

-my cute momma has been having some fun picking mushrooms with Chris-

-my cute husband, always excited about food-thats one big bread loaf-

I had my blood drawn for many different tests, a new IV line placed just in case of delivery (the current one took 9 sticks, ouch), 24/7 fetal monitoring and many huge decisions to make. The doctors kept asking me if Chris was going to make it in today? They suggested twice that I call him and tell him to come in. We still had a few major decisions to make-Its quite complicated, but basically a tiny 24 weeker is just on the edge of so many different options and variables. We were weighing if the risks to me, a classical c-section, were worth the chance of saving the baby, (30-50-% chance of even surviving and of those that survive 70% chance of severe disabilities, depending on what doctors you talked to.) Of course we want to save the baby, but when they first presented all the facts about a classical-cutting the uterus muscle vertically, it put every pregnancy at a very high risk of uterine eruption if I go into labor, bacterial infection, a c sections from here on out and a possible egg plantation between my uterus scar. After much thought and prayer we decided to fight for everything for this baby and put it in Gods hands. Which we decide from the beginning, but needed to male for certain this was our final decssion. We kept our original decision and trust the doctors to monitor the baby accurately and they would do everything they could possibly do to help us fight for the baby. They reassured us they would  let us know when the baby was in distress and thought it was time to perform a classical c section.

So we waited, prayed and had anxiety, that was nothing new to us.

The anticipation that the baby might be in distress and might arrive that night, made me so anxious. I had a very rough night sleeping and tried to move as little as possible, I sat as if I were on egg-shells. My back felt as if it was stone as I lay in bed stiff and ridged. I wore a fetal monitor to track the babies constant heart rate. It had 2 significant dips, so the doctors decided to start me on magnesium sulfate, used to prevent cerebral palsy. It is suppose to be administered within 12 hours of labor or delivery. I later learned that at any time they think I am going into labor or the baby is in distress they will try and give me dose of mag. After my own research, I learned that the benefits do far out way the side effects caused to me-nausea, pounding headache, blurriness and feeling flushed.

To make a long couple of days short, the bleeding stopped, and the baby stayed stable, so they transferred me back to my old room. 

I feel like I am constantly on times ten alert waiting for what might happen and wondering when.

 Its all so unclear. No one knows how or when the baby will present it's self. 

But, I do feel well informed with all my options and am under great care of knowledgeable doctors who specialize in this sort of situation.

I seriously am not sure how much my body can take? WHOA.

 Chris feels the exact same. 

 We are exhausted beyond measure, our minds are confused and blown, our hearts continue to break and we have constant anxiety, fear and helplessness.

 We are tired, mentally, physically, and emotionally. 

Oh, will it ever end?

But, I will say.......

through all of this, by the grace of God, we are still breathing......unwillingly. 

We have felt peace and have hope in baby Hebb. 

Some how, some way, it will all be ok. 

Thank you everyone for all the sincere fasting and prayers held for our family.

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Sitting here has been so hard while missing and worrying about all my babies.

-miss that sweet face so deeply, just rips my heart-

-yes we are gross, but I love it-

-little peanut came to give me snuggles-

Praying for all my babies

Wednesday October 30th, 2013

DAY 6 
I will admit, there are times I am not always filled with an overwhelmingly amount of hope while being here, I often doubt. And today was one if those days.

Today I got a little nervous when my stomach started cramping very badly, I started sweating and feeling nauseous-all signs I am told to watch for daily. I am pretty good at determining where the pain is coming from, so this afternoon I could tell it was my GI. Thank goodness!

 I haven't had a bowel movement (I know TMI) in 3 days. My body has just been sitting. I'm living this sedentary life style all day long. Any little change with my body through out the day, makes me so nervous. I had some really good sleep, but woke up to cramping all through out the night..so worrisome. 

After some nasty sludge and 2 stool softeners, still cramping. 

So I will hopwfully get some relief and help with my issues.....awww

Probably about the same time I was having the constipation issues,

grammy took Pops and scruff on a nice walk to the park!!!

Poppy and my mom try to come and see me daily. I need my snuggles and so does Poppy. It is of course the best part of my day!

I can tell this is all very hard for her, I feel so bad, but she is well loved and taken care of.

**So again, today was quiet as far as changes with my body. Little Hebb is continuing to bake. Thanks again to all the visitors for showing the love, I have not yet been bored.

24.3 weeks pregnant. 

  

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Tomorrow is Halloween right? 

Not sure because every time I look on instagram it looks as if people are practicing getting all costumed out or they actually have a party to attend in the middle of the week! Not sure, but they must be popular people!

And can I say? I hate the 'dead' stuff about Halloween. The zombies. The coffins. The mummies. Guts. Blood.  Being dead isn't pleasant or funny and being buried in a box...so not funny. It's very very disturbing and the most gross thought. Ever. I guess I look at it a little differently than someone who has never buried a child in the ground...so sad. And I too, like many of you never really took a second thought about this...but it is now my reality. And btw, I am not offended in any way, if this was your costume choice. Really, I promise. I just see it differently now..I still love everyone.