DAY 5

My extended stay at OHSU........

I guess I have made it 5 days more without any signs of labor....yippee. That little peanut might be staying in there a long time.

My night last night consisted of a toddlers screaming, baby lullaby music-which sounded like it was in my room, the nurses coming in and out, and doors constantly shutting.  For some reason every time I heard a door shut, I jumped up-as if I were not even asleep, to see if they were coming into my room. They never were because I requested no monitoring and vital checks in the night for at least an 8 hour gap. So my silly self was up every two hours looking around for no reason. I guess I am trying to get use to this weird place.

The doctors made their rounds this morning at 6:45am. Its so early to ask questions and make decisions. It's still dark outside.  Nothing changed through out the night, so I didnt have much to say-which is a great thing. The doctors still sort of scare me with their same questions-they act like they are questioning my decisions. and then I second guess myself. Most of them comment on how positive and happy I am. Well, what else do I have? I am a naturally happy-friendly person. And for the most part the doctors have all been very friendly and compassionate, but also knowledgeable and to the point. 

I have a lot of time to think and pray while I sit in this sterile environment. So thats what I do. I have been praying to Ollie, to send help to heal this baby and my body. I really think he can pull some strings from the other side. He better be working on that. I feel so much comfort and peace, it almost seems crazy. Maybe I am more intune with my body and life while just sitting and pondering. It has actually been good for me to just sit and listen, meditate and ponder about life. How often do we ever just sit and have nothing to do??? Never, we are all so busy and distracted all.day.long. Something I have done really well at since my sweet Ollie left us, is being in the moment. I can not change the past or think about it, I can not look too far in the future and so I live in this moment. Here and now. Its been a huge awakening for me, and a great blessing. I am trying to enjoy today. Enjoying the bright blue Oregon sky while it lasts, enjoying the peace, the comfort and the silence. This day will never pass my way again, I will never get it back. So I am grateful today to be healthy and strong.

Found these to be pretty profound.....

**The little peanuts heartbeat sounds great, it still gives me love nudges all day long-to assure me its ok. All my vitals have been normal and I feel strong, I really feel very healthy and I hope I can pass that health onto the little baby. The amniotic fluid continues to leak, which is good because then it is passing through the baby.

And don't be worried about me, I have had so many visitors that I made myself a sign that said, "please keep your visits to 15 mins".  I have been well loved while in here.

These amazing minds and bodies we were given are beyond powerful. and God is more powerful than that....and I will keep fighting.

~Tiff