Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Ok already


How much can one person endure?
Not quite sure, but it sure is 
a lot.
way more than I could have ever imagined or thought humanly possible.

The human body and spirit are so resilient, but so fragile all at the same time.

I thought after watching your child fight between this life and heaven for 30 hours, that would be a free ticket to a peaceful rest of your life.
Not quite so.

Chris and I were talking the other night about how we both agreed we were well over out breaking point before all these complications started happening with this pregnancy. 

So now what?

We just continue
Not any easy thing to find deep within your very fibers of your soul.

What do you do when you want to give up?
How do you keep going?
How do you find beauty again?
How do you persevere and endure this life?
Where does that strength come from?

I guess my personal strength comes from 
Ollie, God, strangers, family, hope.
//please share with me where you find strength to make it through your hardest times, 
your lowest times, how you endure//


The last few days I have wanted to give up.
I have wanted this baby out of my body and wanted to run away.

My heart hurts so intensly as I try to sort through my deep feelings of 
GRIEF-of losing my precious 2 year old in such a tragic and horrific way that no person should ever see or experience. and yet here we are again fighting for another child to live with us on earth. 
I hope God grants us this wish, this hope, this child, this miracle, this prayer.

I am not shy to say that I think Chris and I really deserve a little break here.
I have been having another one of my pity parties...I can tell you, they aren't very fun.

Thank you 
Thank you
 for your prayers, I can not deny the power of them, as they are carrying us when we are so weak.

thanks for listening