I have been so exhausted living at the NICU the last 9 weeks. I have been overdoing it with my time there. I arrive at the NICU at 9am and dont leave until about 10pm....sometimes I stay later.
It is just too much time spent in those white boring walls, with all those smells-they instantly bring me back to the time we spent with Ollie during his last hours of life. I love being with Loxxley and cuddling him, but I am getting stressed to the max. My cup is overflowing with stress. My body cant take too much more. It has been working hard and it hurts. I cant wait to get back to Utah with Chris and Poppy. I miss them. It has been wonderful at the Ronald McDonald House, but so lonely. I know our life will settle down a bit and we can take a breather. Since Loxxley was born, I have been forgetting to breathe and doing that 'hold your breath and take deep breath' thing again.
Therefore, I have decided I am getting a massage tomorrow! Yay
Loxxley had his routine 2 week eye exam again just 4 days ago and that evening he had a huge spell. The nurse had just suctioned out his nose, then about 5 minutes later his heart rate dropped suddenly to 40 (normal for him is 140-160) and his oxygen dropped to 10% (should be around 90-100). The nurse quickly rushed over and rubbed his back very hard, nothing, he didnt even move or take a breath. The nurse then began to stimulate him while the other nurse grabbed the oxygen to give breaths, still nothing. Meanwhile, the 'code ' button was pushed and all the doctors came running. Then, they grabbed the bigger oxygen bag and 'bagged' him for over 2 minutes. Loxxley's heart rate slowly began to come up. My word. I actually was not there during this episode, thank goodness. All of his spells, in my opinion, have stemmed from the stupid-but very critical, eye exams. Loxxley has had 3 other smaller spells since that night. I guess we are on the scary loops of the roller coaster. The little guy is doing ok today and he's so stinkin cute!! and smells wonderful too. Poor little guy is still fighting to be with us here on earth.
A cute thing happened today. I was holding Loxxley and staring at his face of course, I was thinking about Ollie and wondering if he will act or look alike. Little Loxxley gave me a big grin-yes it was just a practice grin, but none the less a grin to reassure me Ollie is near!
-37 weeks corrected
- 66 days on earth
-18 inches long
-a bit of reflux
-45 ml of breast milk
-still working of nippling
-such a mellow baby
NG tube for feeds he can't take by bottle
and as always,
Thank you for your prayers and fasting on Loxxley's behalf.
Today was the first day he actually sated his oxygen up to 100.
a big thanks to all the doctors and nurses. He wouldn't be alive without their knowledge and expertise.