every single moment I carry around this pressure in my chest. it literally feels like a brick. i catch myself forgetting to take a breath. i wonder if you looked inside my heart, would there be a hole? my heart feels so much heavier. how can someone live through this much pain? the scenes of finding my son lifeless flash into my mind. the horror and anxiety overtake my body. i pray. and i pray. i ask a special blessing for OLLIE to hold me tight. he does. he carries me through my days. i feel a peace shining through amidst the darkness. it is OLLIE and GOD. the only way.