The raw, daily emotions of fighting to live after your child dies and the challenges of a 2lb. preemie.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Vacation without Ollie
So our wonderful friends called us up and said they had wanted to do something for us since Ollie had passed away but didn't know what to do...they asked if they could buy our tickets to Hawaii. Yiippee. Of course we thought it was a joke and told them we couldn't afford it and couldnt ever pay them back. They said to get work off and let them know. Holy moly. We are now here in Maui with them and it is sunny and warm. We are trying to relax and enjoy every moment with our awesome friends. The ocean is amazing and the salt residue on my body has been much missed. The sand particles are so fine it feels as if I'm walking on silk. But something heavy hurts my heart even though this place is beautiful beyond belief...missing Ollie. It's always on my mind and it's the reality we face each day but especially on a vacation. What would he be doing if he were here??? Would he be afraid of the waves, would he love the sand between his toes, would we build sand castle, what would his swim shorts look like, would he smell the beautiful plumeria, would he want me to hold his hand and run along the beach? I would love to see his sweet smile and his excited arms wave as he sees his daddy call for him from the water. The longing for him sure puts a damper on things. I miss my other child so immensely its hard to enjoy the moment here and now. I have never wanted life to go by so quickly. Sometimes I say to myself I made it through another day which brings me closer to reuniting with Ollie. This beautiful place and our amazing friends totally help to not think about the sadness of Ollie but to be grateful for what we do have. We are so blessed.
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vacation
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I feel this way all the time. Someday well get to experience the joy we so long for with our little angels. I too wish life would pass quickly. Or the 2nd coming would come soon so we could be with our babies again. Seems impossible to live this life without them.
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