Monday, October 1, 2012
Nursery Class
I went to church yesterday, as I walked in I was thinking of Ollie and wondering what he was doing at that exact moment in time...So I went straight into the classroom where OLLIE would be if he were there with me. The Nursery Class. As I walked in I saw a chaotic mess of toys and children running all over and I LOVED IT. To hear their tiny voices just melted my heart. All the children OLLIES same age looked so much older and wiser. They really were taller and Im sure they have learned so many new things in 6 months. One boy in particular has a soft place with me, his name is Jace. He is one day younger than Ollie. Its been 6 long but short months since I last touched Ollie and I wanted so badly to see him grow so I guess the next best thing is his little buddy, Jace. Every time I see Jace I have to touch his tiny hands and see the dirt in his tiny boy fingernails and rub my fingers through his soft thin hair and look at his precious mouth inspecting every part of his tiny face. This time I talked to Jace like I always did and asked him all sorts of questions and not expecting him to ever reply...but he actually talked back and I was so saddened to wonder what OLLIE KAI HEBB would be telling his mom, but so
happy to hear his precious and most tender voice say "hello, animal crackers, and yes I talk". I started to cry and my heart ached so intensely that I decided to leave the class. I waved at all the children and they all waved with their tiny, fat akward hands and said "bye-bye".
Here is one of Ollie's last pictures from Nursery. Always in deep thought. His precious nose and his tiny lips..Oh I want to kiss those so much my heart aches.
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Everytime I read your posts I want to reach through my computer and give you a big hug and tell you you are strong, you are an example of what goodness is, and you can get through this day. Love you so much dear friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you Rachel. Love you too. Xoxo
DeleteTiff, you can do this. One day at a time. It's ok to be sad. It's ok to have joy. One precious moment at a time. Every day is another victory. Love you.
ReplyDeleteI want to echo what Rachel & Tracie say. You are strong & you are a beautiful person. You are the epitomy of "goodness". Keep smiling & taking it one precious moment at a time. Life is so short for all of us & before you know it, Ollie will be in your arms forever. One day at a time. Carpe Diem with your cute Poppy.
ReplyDeleteI had a dream last night I lost one of my children and I woke up screaming, crying, and shaking. After I got over the shock and realized it was a nightmare, my thoughts turned to you and Ollie. I bawled even harder knowing the pain your feeling must be so much more than what I felt for that few moments it felt real. I am so sorry, and I pray that Heavenly Father and Ollie is sending you love and comfort. May your faith carry you through till you and Ollie are reunited & holding each other again. Love ya and call me if you need any open ear to talk to.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad your nightmare was just a dream. Living in the nightmare is quite difficult. Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. Squeeze your cute kids today!
DeleteXoxo
I have never met you, but your sister in law Heather is a dear friend from work years ago. I have a 2 year old little boy and I appreciate you sharing your story to raise awareness. What a special little boy you have and will ALWAYS have. This life is so short in the grand scheme of things and you WILL be with him forever! I want you to know I have a constant prayer in my heart for you and your sweet family. Thanks for sharing your story!! What amazing stories you have...LOVE the marble stories!! I don't know if you have ever read the book called "The message" It is at Deseret Book. :) -Aly
ReplyDeleteAly. You are very welcome. I hope to share it with many more. Thank you for your prayers and thoughts.
ReplyDeleteAly. Yes I have the book the message. Thank you. It's great!
ReplyDeleteI'm up at 2:20 am crying for you. I can't sleep .. All I can do is watch my almost 2 year old son sleep. I feel horrible for getting a little annoyed with him today for putting a lollipop in the dog's fur. Hehe. I know you would give anything to laugh at those mischievous moments from your toddler again. Because of you , I will never take for granted my son's sweet laugh or the smell of his skin. I feel your pain through your words and my heart breaks for you and your sweet family. You make me want to be the best mom that I can be and that little Ollie is so proud of his mommy for inspiring so many . Big hugs beautiful lady . I am a true believer that your soul mate Ollie is always with you. Never question signs or feelings .. Embrace them :)
ReplyDelete