Tuesday, June 25, 2013


How can a human being feel alone in a world of 7 billion people????

I ask myself this.

Not so sure, but it's possible.


That is the word that is stuck in my third eye.
I see it, I feel it. It's all consuming.

My heart feels it. My body feels it. 
Depression has been overtaking me these days.

**Someone at the farmers market observed that I am always alone.
It is so true. 

I go to the park,
The store, 
Sit at my house,
Go to grief share,
The farmers market,
*I do have Poppy*

I know I wouldnt feel this abandonment if Ollie were still here. 

When part of your heart is physically transferred to Heaven, you feel a bit empty. (maybe in the years to come I will feel a bit of heaven in my heart)

I just don't feel satisfied with ANYTHING. 
But, I am so so grateful for what I do have, I am so blessed.

Still, I want Ollie. My sweet, gentle, most tender little boy.
So I fight this perpetual burden pressing on my heart making me fall, again, to my knees.

-I hope I find myself in all this alone time-