Thursday, May 8, 2014

The Storm

It was dreary and pouring rain yesterday as I drove to SLC with my little Loxx in the back seat to meet Chris for dinner-he works in SLC. I haven't taken Loxxley anywhere alone. I was nervous. I couldn't see the road very well and my wiper blades were on full speed as I drove about 40 mph. I gripped the steering wheel and had many thoughts about turning around, but I had a hot date waiting for me at dinner. My shoulders began to tighten and I felt claustrophobic as I continued my drive and wasn't looking forward to the drive home.

I finally made it to meet Chris, we ate a nice dinner together at a ceviche place, then we both went outside to our separate cars and began to drive home. 

This time on the drive home I had a completely different experience. There wasnt even a sprinkle of rain, the bright sun was bursting through the puffy white clouds and shining onto the snow tipped rigged mountains, the sky was a majestic blue, the trees and grass were a glowing green color from all the moisture and there was a glorious and oh so colorful rainbow across the entire sky. I felt amazing as I looked around to see all the beauty the storm had left behind. I felt so peaceful and I could finally breathe deeply. I was smiling and I was calm. The beauty was magnificent and it wouldn't have been this beautiful without the storm to cleanse it and renew it. 

I thought about the chaotic storm I am currently in...the thick, ugly, dark clouds with torrential down pours that keep me in this depressed state, the all consuming negative thoughts and doubts of not seeing Ollie again, and the hate directed towards God for allowing me to hurt so deeply that I wish my breathing was cease. I can not wait to get out of the thick fog. I know this crazy storm will pass, but I will not ever fully be out until I hold my sweet Ollie again. I know that day will be magnificent and beautiful beyond anything I have experienced on this earth. I know the joy felt will be unimaginable, overwhelming and all consuming. Every broken piece of my heart will be put back together and I will feel completely satisfied and content-something I am very far from as I long for Ollies physical presence. Sunday will come. It will come for all of us!!!

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Until the storm is over, Ollie be with us, feel our bosoms with peace and love. Shine your everlasting light into our home and teach us to give more than we recieve-to be selfless. Help us to see the beauty on this earth and to enjoy our life as fully as we possibly can. Inspire, encourage and strengthen our minds to do good in your name. Teach us to have gratitude for our life and the blessing we recieve daily. Please be in our every thought to help us become as you are-pure. Watch over us always until we hold you again. Warm my cold heart and keep it safe until I hold your perfected resurrected body, my sweet angel Ollie, I love you. 

Your loving momma, Tiffany 

Ollie Kai Hebb-too pure, too lovely to live on this earth.