Every day the longing for Ollie is scarred upon my heart and mind, but some days it manifests itself more strongly, like today. I was just looking at pictures of him, of Ollie, my Ollie, my son, my 2 year old, my first born, my boy who made me a momma. I really can not believe he is not living with us today upon this earth. I can't believe he is not going to the parks, the pools, and watching fireworks with us. I cant believe he is not growing older, talking more and helping teach Poppy to be a good girl. I just can't believe he died. He really took his last breath and completed his work here. It really still rips my heart out. The pain is still just as strong, but I am getting use to him not being in my life. I am kind of accepting that he will not wake up from his deep sleep. I try so hard to have faith in seeing him again, I really do, then my mortal mind crushes that hope within seconds. I have to hold onto what my heart tells me and I do feel with all my soul that I will see Ollie again. I believe we are here to gain a body and make the best life we can. I believe life is about becoming the BEST we can be.
I wish Ollie were here to give a Popsicle to and enjoy the summer with. He never really experienced a summer. We lived in park City and it never really got too warm that summer, then we moved to the rain in Oregon, it was almost summer when he passed away....darn darn darn. But I am sure heaven is far more beautiful and enjoyable. Pure bliss.
These 2 pictures are so bittersweet to me. Chris is so incredibly and genuinely happy to be the father to Ollie. Look at his smile, his eyes show such love for his son. I haven't seen Chris smile like that since Ollie passed away. If he does smile or act silly its quickly followed by, "I miss Ollie and I wish he was here with us." What we would both give to go back to those days before Ollie passed on....
What was Ollie thinking here? This was about 2 hours before his accident. He was singing and looking out the glass door, and he was acting a little sombre. I called my mom and sent her this pic because he was so tender. I had the feeling come upon me hours after he took his last fighting breath, that he was watching the angels coming to take him home. Did he know he was going to leave us that day? Was he scared? There were so many signs-not coincidences that he knew his time would shortly be ending on earth.
Mom and dad miss you so much. Poppy does too. She talks about you all the time. The other day she was choking pretty badly and your grandma asked if she was ok. She said, " Yea Ollie helped me eat". I know you are near Ollie. You are still a big part of our life. We miss you and want to be with you. Until then sweet boy, hold us and protect us and make us strong.
Love your family on earth