Monday, November 3, 2014

Where is my little bee?

I don't feel like writing much- another sleepless will be the death of sleep. Its slowly killing me. I don't feel like I am alive at times. I have got to figure something out for my little man Loxx.-He's waking up eery 2 hours STILL. If anyone has experienced this with their preemie, please write to me.

Halloween was fun, but not that fun. I don't really get too excited about things like I used to. 
There is still a bit of a cloud hanging over my head. 
It weighs me down. 
And it gets really heavy too, it even knocks me down sometimes. 

Ollie when he was 4 months old......

Ollie as my cute bumble bee. That day we rode the Portland Trax about an hour and a half to see my aunt. He was such a great boy all day long.  
I sure miss holding that little body of his. He truly was an angelic child. He was so gentle and sweet. And I, as his mother, only remember one time right before he died getting really upset at him.  He just never did anything to get upset about. Oh how I miss him. Its unfortunate for us left here who are sad and miss him dearly.

oh, and by the way, missing your baby boy hurts, if you can't tell.....


Yesterday at my church, we have this thing called 'fast and testimony meeting'.
We all fast for at least one meal, three if you are able. Everyone in the congregation has the opportunity to share their testimony. I felt very inspired to share mine yesterday, So I went up to the pulpit. I testified of Jesus Christ and his hands that have carried me at my lowest moments, I shared about God and how He is very aware of us, I also shared how I KNOW Ollie lives on. I don't really understand in what form, but I KNOW he is with Heavenly Father in that glorious place we all call heaven.