Saturday, April 11, 2015

I am who I am

I had a very healthy and happy last week...even though Chris was gone for 8 long days and drove all the way to Whistler and back.
I have been feeling very hopeful--hopeful in God, in me and in this life. I have been spending time on myself so, I can be a better momma and wife. 
I have needed some serious 'me' time. 
Something you don't get too often as a nurturing mother.
 //side note-when I ask Poppy to do something she answers me, "Yes Mother"// 
I have needed to find my passions--more things that give me drive.
My children are the biggest drive but, I need more driving forces.

Pretty much since I was born, I have known who I am. 
I have known what I liked and no one was going to sway my decisions. 
I am not a follower. 
Never have been.
Oh great, here comes Poppy....Mini me.

In High School, if the trend was something, I would try my hardest to do the complete opposite--just because I don't like to follow others--I know kind of silly.
I do like to follow rules though.
I do like guidelines for myself  and expectations to achieve but, I do everything because I studied about it or learned about it on my own...not because it was cool or others were doing it. By doing this I have really found myslef from an early age. I am not one for peer pressure--I actually despise peer pressure and people who do this. 
It's just the stupidest thing and makes no sense to me.
 Do people do this to justify why they are doing something?
 I really don't get it. 

With all that said, I like who I am more and more each day.

I have always been passionate about life and the things I enjoy--nature, health, exercise, kindness...
Since Ollie's accident, I have lost everything...I not only lost him temporarily but, I lost Tiffany.
 I lost my drive, my dreams, my hopes, my ambition, and myself.
I was depressed, anxious, sad, angry, and lonely--I still am working through these 
emotions and always will be.

I have come so far since the day my life changed forever. 
I remember how I couldn't bare to be alone, I couldn't shower alone, I couldn't drive my car alone, I couldn't even be in a room with the door closed---this went on for many months. It all stemmed from being home alone when Ollie had his accident. I remember how I didn't shower for days in a row, how I stayed in my Pajamas all day every day, how I couldn't even listen to music, watch TV or say any words that were funny or silly--this was not healthy.  It was what I needed to do at the time to work through my grief. This grief stuff sure is the pits but, I know I will come out stronger--and I also feel a bit numb and less tolerant to certain things too.

Today out to lunch.


Today, I am moving forward. 
I am finding myself again.
My desire to LIVE and BREATHE again.
It is hard.
It is constant.
it is a fighting daily battle.
I will win.

A few passions I have always had but now just uncovering are,
I am a certified holistic nutritionist.
I am currently working on my yoga certification while sharing about essential oils. 
I love everything to do with Holistic Health and want to share how powerful our bodies really are.
The body is simply amazing.

And so are all of you.


Lately, I have been dealing with some past issues that came out of no where....feeling of not letting go--not forgiving.
I can not seem to pull it out of me to forgive.
It's real tough.
My natural self want to hate and be angry.
Yes, I am still very angry.
 It is really weighing me down and I don't like it.

>>>Accepting all ideas on how you forgive someone who shattered you to the core?