Monday, August 10, 2015

too uncomfortable?

((FYI: I am a grieving mom who expresses myself openly and freely. This does not mean I need counseling or that I'm not doing ok. And this is not an exact story that took place--it's how I feel inside. And it's healthy to express this))

You avoid me because its just too uncomfortable???

Death, dying, drowning....
You have never talked about my son since the day he died.

We just carried on like nothing had happened while you talked about the color you wanted to paint you kitchen...not one mention about Ollie's accident---the giant elephant in the room, or so I thought.

Never even once asked how I am really doing.

It's just too damn awkward and you avoid it ALL together.

Are you kidding me?

Too uncomfortable for you, how could this be? You should have seen how uncomfortable it was to find your precious child almost dead?

You didn't find you child lifeless in that cursed washing machine or have to yank his fragile body out of it--I sure hope no one every experiences this heart crushing pain.

Did you wail while your child was blue, cold and lifeless as doctors tried with all their power to save your precious son?

Nope. You didn't.

Boy, was all that uncomfortable and unwanted.

Have you ever felt this immense pain while your child gasped for 6 long hours while he slowly took his last breathes in your arms---as you wept to the heavens?

Oh, its just too UNCOMFORTABLE. I see.

And still you don't even mention this horrific elephant that is all encompassing and debilitating.

And when you saw me you didn't just wrapped your arms around me and hold me up from falling from exhaustion---you barley said a hello because it was just too damn awkward.

wow, I mourn in my disbelief at the disconnection.

I thought you could see and feel my pain?

Nope you couldn't.

I just don't understand your lack of showing concern.....

I do pardon you just must not fully understand the loss of a child--and I hope you NEVER do.


I seriously am in aw at how detached we are from our spirits. I can not believe we don't just hug each other all the time. We are all going through so much in this life. Many of us are just way.too.stiff. and closed off.

I get it. You are just not used to touch, hugging, and opening up your heart......that can change. We all need more love...especially after holding your child as they die. Grieving is so intense, I thought my body would fall apart and cease to function. and still, not many hugs were offered.

How is this possible?

I can guarantee there are so many people out there that just need a gigantic hug. Get outside of your comfort zone, your bubble, your shell and give a much needed hug! Do it!

Go HUG someone!

(((And this is why I feel compelled to reach out and hug my grieving mothers as I hear of their horrible tragedy.))))

>>>>>>>>and a giant shout out to a select few who have grabbed me and held me up as I cried in your arms...and all my cyber friends and family who wish to hug me but can't. I love you all!!