Thursday, October 1, 2015

What Do You Seek?

I think the world has always ebbed and flowed in light and darkness since time began. I feel like the light is slowing fading off the earth in so many ways, but I also feel like the earth is burning with this beautiful light.

I choose to seek out the LIGHT!!!!

I am not sure why I talk about this LIGHT so much....

Actually I do know.

Ollie is there!!!

I seek this light he now sees, experiences, and exists in.

Have you ever read the book, HEAVEN IS FOR REAL?  It's about a 6 years olds experience visiting heaven, and its for real! Everyone should read this book, young and old.


Children are so in tune to life. Late last night we drove past Ollie's spot, we randomly decided to stop. It was dark outside--I had never been to his spot in the dark. It was more beautiful that I thought to see all the burial spots lit up with different colored lights. Chris and I told both of our kids to kiss Ollie's picture-as they always do. I started to cry and tell them how much I miss their big brother. Poppy climb on my lap, gave me a big kiss and said, "Mom, we will see him again"

It was so perfect and meant so much to me at that moment. How did she know to comfort me in this way???

Poppy often comforts me, her mom. SIMPLY AMAZING.


So, speaking of light, I can't tell you how much happier and how much healing has come since I have tried to find this light within myself. We are all born with this light. Last June, I decided I needed to  heal myself and I needed some intense work in order to care for my young children.

I have since done so many things that have helped and I would like to share them for future grievers or people dealing with anxiety or dperession.

  • I started an intense yoga teacher training--I had to dig deep and let my emotions release, it has been very healing to not run away from my crazy emotions.
  • I ordered a Bach mixture made just for my grief, anger, nightmares, depression, fear and anxiety. It really helped my overall out look on life.
  • I moved to the sunshine. The sun is where I have found so much relief from my stresses.
  • I have tried to hang onto my hope and faith in seeing Ollie and use it as motivation to help others.
  • I connected with other mommas who had lost a child--so much healing has come from me reaching out and them reaching back--it heals the heart to connect in this way.
  •  I tried to forget my self--which in turns heals myself by giving love to others who need just a bit more love and kindness.
  • I try to be thankful for what I DO HAVE, not what I don't have--its just too intense.
"We are all broken, that's how the light gets in" -Ernest Hemingway

Go find your light and share it!!!!