Friday, December 11, 2015

Leading Me?

Is it possible for your child to lead you?
I believe so.
Because Poppy does this so often for me.

She is just so darn precious and is enlightened daily.

I find myself yelling or getting way too dang upset.
Then she calms me down and puts her hands on my face, strokes my hair, or kisses me a lot.
She is so in tune with her mother getting too upset that she can see when I need comfort.

Amazing.

Just the other day she told me that she really didn't want to grow up that fast. 
She just wanted to stay small.
I think I have been hard on her because I have been hard on myself.
 I am mad at the situation I can not fix---Ollie's death if you don't already know, is the big elephant in the room.
Our circumstances have made her grow up way too fast---poor little girl. 
and frankly I don't really remember details about the last 2 years.
I feel bad but I do know I showed her so much love. 
And she knows how much we love her!! 

Grief.

It just makes life so interesting and confusing.

I believe Ollie is also guiding me from heaven above. I am following his light, his strength and his example. Because of his death, I am a stronger more faith driven mom. I want to be like him--as I know he is perfected and flying free. 

One day I will unite with my sweet Ollie and hold until forever.
Can't wait.

^^^^^



Btw, did I mention it is still so weird and unbelievable that Ollie really died.
I will never believe it.
My sweet sweet little love.
My head just can't seem to understand.

Is this because my spirit knows he is still very close?
He is still just as much here as when he had his body---my eyes are just closed to his spirit.

The veil is thin, but oh so thick.