Tuesday, March 29, 2016


This is the best time of the year to celebrate Jesus Christ and what he did for the world. It really is hard to understand and fathom what He really went through. Since I have a son who has passed on from this mortal life, I now look at life and Easter so differently. I never fully understood the ATONEMENT, Christs death and resurrection like I do now.  Christ literally carried me through my grief and I have said this many times before but He broke the bands of time and space so He physically is walking with me (and You) through my pain. I believe there is always heavenly help when we are going through something so dark----that really is the only way we can see the light.  Christ also rose from the dead and I know my sweet Ollie will one day in due time! Hurry up.

It has been 4 years.


My heart.

I catch myslef forgetting my past life.......with time, the memories fade, but the love never fades. Love is never ending and that I am thankful for. I just feel in my mamma heart that Ollie still loves me just the same as when he was alive. Love is something that will never die because it is an energy and we are all an energy. And energy is neither created or destroyed---science says so. So its true.

Time keeps on moving. The moment after Ollie took his last breath, I wanted time to stop. I wanted to yell to everyone that my precious son had just died. A life was taken from this earth. But many seemed to not even notice. Many seemed to still laugh, joke and carry on.

The more I live, I realize that everyone on earth is only in their personal shoes, we really don't know what anyone else is experiencing at that exact moment in time. No two situations are alike. I do believe we can help carry someone along and offer support in those dark days even if we truly have no idea what it feels like. And those people who have never experienced the loss of a child and still reach out to me. WOW. Can I just say, you are true angels on earth. Thank you Thank you!

So, people often ask me how I get through this extreme loss?

Well, to tell you the truth, I really don't feel like there is any other option for me. Some might feel they have options. But with what I know and feel and am, I only see it one way. To seek the light, seek hope, seek God, seek faith, seek goodness, seek happiness etc. Of course I lack hope at times but in general it has never fully left---the moment I was born it was in me. 

Honestly, EVERY HUMAN on earth is born with the light of Christ--the Holy Ghost, the comforter, our conscience our inner guide.

By our choices or sometimes others, we often lose this light and it dims through out our life if we don't constantly feed it. Seek that which is seeking you---the light.


Sometimes I want to not think about deep things, but having a son in a place I don't know is rather exhausting. I fight daily to know, to see, to experience what he is.

One day Ollie will rise from his grave, I believe it will be on the morning of the first resurrection after Jesus Christ himself has again returned to the earth. I believe this really took place on earth and that Christ rose from the dead and Ollie will too!

Seek the light