Thursday, October 18, 2012


Some big milestones for myself
*I actually can take a shower alone and leave Poppy in her bassinet, Of course I have to pull her into the tiny bathroom so I can see her at all times. When I first started showering after Ollie passed away I was expecting him to quickly pull open the entire curtain and give me big grin while the water splashed him in the face...It has taken me months of crying alone in the shower to realize OLLIE isnt coming back to earth. I had never showered alone in 2 years until the day after his sad

*I can do laundry....only becasue I have to. I hate it and say a prayer every time before I enter the stupid room.   I know Ollie holds me up through out my days and especially when I enter his room or the stupid accident room.

*I put Ollies winter hats and shoes away in the closet...not sure why I did but I did. Im sad. It hurts, a lot. I do know the reality of all this and its of him not ever wearing them again. I will save them for my other boys!

*I watched another child that wasn't mine and didnt think I was too incapable.