Monday, January 21, 2013

**Keep on keepin on**

The days just keep on going by. Everyday I wake up thinking Ollie will be here-or wishing, and he never is. I feel like my life lately is so just nothing.

I feel blah. 
 lonely.
sad.
longing.
bitterswet.
disappointed.
happy.
love.
blessed.

Since Ollie passed away my outlook on life is different and usually better for the most part, but today its just blah. The sun is shinning and its beautiful. The sky is Ollie blue. My house is warm, Poppy is happy and smiley as always, and Chris is home form work. We even went to eat PHO. All these things are wonderful and I'm so so blessed. But something is always missing and heavy on my heart.

I remember this feeling when I was in junior high and high school as I would get ready to compete in a race. My heart would be pounding. My anticipation would almost knock me to the floor. I almost couldn't breathe with anxiousness and excitement. Burt of course this feeling went away the second I started running....Well grief is somewhat like that. I feel anxious, and I sit and think to myself "why do I feel so anxious and why am I forgetting to breathe?" Then I remember Ollie is not here, Its not like I ever forget but I do forget (only for a brief moment) why I have so much pain. I am not sure how to keep functioning in real life while having this sadness. I  guess I just keep doing what im doing.  Keep on keepin on! And remember to keep running and moving forward.

"If an object experiences no net force, then its velocity is constant: the object is either at rest, or it moves in a straight line with constant speed" ~Newton

Wake up, eat, go to yoga, cook, laundry, breathe, relax, think, mediate, ponder, sing, laugh, love, inspire, get the mail, be inspired, help someone, pay my bills, and most importantly live in the moment. 

As I go through-out my days missing Ollie I really have tried to be in the moment. I am not looking to the future, it hurts too much, and I am not living in the past, it also hurts way too much. Im just here and now. I guess those are my thoughts for today.

Be In The Moment! Be aware of right here and now. Make the best of it!

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Thank you self. I needed to hear this.