Thursday, January 24, 2013

Ollie, Where are you?

today i am feeling like i left my Ollie at the grocery store.

where is he?

i can't stop saying this out loud. I go to bed thinking this and wake up thinking this. i know where is earthly body is, but wheres my spunky little Ollie? he is not here in my arms so he has to be somewhere. he's not playing with Poppy or swinging out back with his daddy. why? why? why? he should be.

death?
my mind can not understand.
where? why? how?


my family has never even faced death, only our old grandparents. that is the natural order, not a small child, not my child. Ollies death has come as such a shock and i think my brain and body are still experiencing  this shock. the shock and images in my head of seeing him in that stupid stupid hated washing machine are sick and horrifying.  my precious child was freakin stuck in there. yuck. yuck. yuck. why this way to his death? i would rather be doing all my laundry down by the river on some rocks in the sunshine.

so i got that crap off my chest.
thanks. and sorry.
i believe and know our spirits must go on. we don't just die and nothing happens. our life would be for not. i do know this for sure. Ollie does go on, and he is accomplishing great things in heaven. i feel this in my momma heart. a piece of my heart is with him.

**this life is beautiful and a special gift from god. live every day like its your last day. really what would we accomplish if we thought it was our last day to live upon this earth?

speaking of beautiful.....my brother Cody Barker  (#chiefwatergiver, @theamerican-follow him)
is doing beautiful things. giving life through water. simply amazing. simply beautiful.