Sunday, January 27, 2013


Thank you to all who haven't forgotten Chris and I in these crazy last 9 months. They have been the hardest and biggest blur. I can't remember certain days and I sit and wonder where those months went. Most of them were spent in a daze or some sort of shock. I am still in that "fuzz". My mind is blown and my heart is broken. I'm tired of grieving. But I must say for myself I do feel a tad bit better than the days that followed the funeral. I was crying from the moment I woke up until I went to bed. So exhausting. Now I don't cry everyday, some days I just get a tear, it's not a sob every minute. Its actually nice to have a break. Grieving is exhausting to say the least. That doesn't mean I miss Ollie less, i think the overall sting and shock has just lessened.

I have to give a shout out to all the other grieving parents. Can I just say a big "WOW" ?
I am amazed with so many of you and your example to me. I need hope and faith right now and I'm leaning on you. THANK-YOU. When this first happened Chris and I said and I still say it daily, "if we hadnt seen others survive this then we wouldn't think it was physically possible". But here we are 9 months later and we are still breathing. We are weak but we are stronger. Chris doesn't think so but he is, we are. He is so strong, but forgets this from time to time.

One more BIG GIGANTIC THANK-YOU to all the anonymous and wonderful people who don't know me, for your more than kind words I receive daily through email. I love you all, really you warm my broken heart. I believe this is how we lighten one another's burdens. 

I pray tonight for Ollie's love to fill my heart (and his daddy's) with his undying love. I pray for faith I will see him again in his perfected, ancient soul. I pray for patience in Gods perfect (but hated sometimes) plan and for Ollie's courage to be transferred to Chris, Poppy and myself.
*We need your help little guy.

Your friend in the world,
Tiffany Barker Hebb
Good night.
It's 1:30am. The latest I have stayed up in years.