Wednesday, August 28, 2013

-Deeper reflections-

Last night as I was saying my prayers and reflecting on this big word called LIFE, I was pondering how my life has changed since losing my sweet child of mine. I really feel I have looked deeper into myself, into my soul and into who I am over the last year and a half.  How could I not? I have been broke down to nothing, shattered to the core, my heart ripped into a million shreds, the mind blown from shock and my body physically ready to fall due to being over exhausted.all.of.the.time, and  my tender momma-but oh so fierce-emotions constantly on level 5,000. This makes you VERY aware of every. little.thing, good and bad. I am changed. This change has actually brought about some not so kind actions like, me being less sensitive to others when they are complaining-sorry, I am also quick to judge others for not reaching out to me-sorry again-its true, I have been very very offended by some. On the better side of me I have been very sensitive to others who have lost a child. I have been able to reach out and show constant support. I don't care about wordly things-I never did, but I don't even more so-I care about people. Might I add, so many angels have came into my life that I never met until the terrible accident- thank you sweet earthly angels-my strength, my support, my hope. My main concern in life is to live like sweet Ollie so I can raise him again and be pure enough to be in his presence.  Hopefully more positive attributes have shown forth than negative.  (I have been negative lately and I am now working on positive affirmation to myself.) Thanks mom.

It is not until you are striped of everything you have until you gain everything you will become! I hope to become a beacon of light, full of love, full of the spirit which my precious first born, Ollie has. I hope to inspire, encourage and uplift those in need (actually this has been part of my daily prayer to Ollie-for his help, by his help am I able to help others and I feel less selfish-grieving is quite selfish- I hate it!)  

So Who am I? I am a woman with a beautiful soul just like Jesus Christ. I am full of light and wisdom. I am a wonderful mother and wife. I am a sensitive individual who loves to take care of people. I stand with the broken-hearted and walk with the sinners. One day my broken heart will be made whole. 

"How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people." ~~Albert Einstein

I never post pictures of myself because I dont' ever want others to think I am vain in any way and why focus on me....But today I love myself. Today I feel alive. Today it is ok. 
My affirmations have been filling me with love, with light, with hope!

.poppy and i enjoying much needed sunshine for my soul.


.my happy momma.

.my old but so wise gramps.

.me loving my sweet Ollie and being the best momma.