Today as I sit here in my home, I am on strict bed rest-only bathroom privileges. Whoa, what a change from chasing around an almost 2 year old wild woman. I have a lot to sit and think about. You might all be asking yourselves, "how can Tiffany and Chris be handling this right now after losing Ollie?" Well, not too sure how we are. I wanted to just crumble to the floor in disbelief when the doctor told us we might lose another child, but I didn't. We left the appointment crying and in deep despair. We were both in shock. Probably still are. I didnt really listen to what the doctor was saying from the point he said no amniotic fluid....I zoned out. Had no hope. Pretty much thought my only option to save me was to induce labor-so not the case after much reading and listening to many other stories. Thank you to everyone who has sent me stories of HOPE, they seriously made my views and out look do a 180.
So, we are mightily moving forward with faith and hope. It is all we have. We have nothing else. We can not do anything to change this, except have hope or have none, and we choose hope! I am hoping and praying for a miracle. I KNOW they CAN happen, sometimes they dont, like with Ollie. Not sure why I have so much hope today after all that we have been through in the last year and a half. I feel like I should be curled up in a tiny hole shaking with fear, but I choose HOPE. Hope in this baby, hope in my body to make the proper nutrients, hope in these very knowledgeable doctors,and hope that the baby will survive and be a fighter. I have great hope in Gods plan, His love and His timing.
So please, join me in hope. Hope for yourself, for the future, hope for life.
Last week I had an appt because I was still leaking fluid, I went all by myself and was so stressed out, I showed up to the wrong office-the other office is 45 minutes away. So, I told the nurse my reason for coming in and that I showed up at the wrong office. She suggested I go straight to ER or drive to the other office/hospital. She was very concerned, but I told her I might just drive back home. I could tell she was annoyed with my decision. I ended up going straight home and crying. I didn't want to worry about what news they might tell me. I couldn't handle any bad news. It was just too much.
We made another appt. for Monday. Chris was able to go with me this time-a tender mercy. I am so thankful I didn't have to receive this horrible news alone. Anyway, I called the nurse today and it happened to be the same one. I could feel that she might still be a little disappointed in my decision. I then began to tell her the reasons why it was just too hard for me that day to make the appt. I told her all about Ollie and the accident, and now we were facing this new trial. She felt so bad. I could feel in her voice her heart soften as I spoke. I began to cry as I told her that we have decided to not induce this pregnancy and this baby deserves a fighting chance. As I began to tell her this, I knew without a doubt I must put up a big fight. If I, as the mother dont fight for it, who will? I feel so strongly as I type this. This baby Hebb #3 deserves hope, it deserves a chance. It is still in my womb fighting from the inside and I we must fight on the outside, it isn't dead yet. It has a heartbeat and still growing. There is hope!!!
***We might find out the sex because females put up a better fight at this gestational age. (Just like her momma)