Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Change of direction

Crying...hurting...aching...This pain is just too much sometimes and I physically don't know how to stop weeping. Right now I can not stop crying. I miss Ollie so much. It hurts my heavy heart and feels as if my heart might just stop beating.
 I am tired of being tired. 
Tired of grieving, longing, wishing, wanting.
Crying physically wears you out. It makes you feel so weak. It releases the built up of toxic energy and tension weighing so heavy on your heart, but the crying in turn leaves you empty, lifeless. When I start crying sometimes, I can not stop. How do you make yourself stop crying?


So, this is what I began to write yesterday as I was weeping with tears.....
Then Peanut Poppy woke up, thank goodness.


And I made it through that day. One more day down. Wow it was a rough one. 
Today I start my writing off with feelings of:

Courage. Faith. Hope. Love. God. 

I feel better today, not any less sad than yesterday, but there is hope today. Holding onto that HOPE.
I really believe with all of my heart that my belief in Jesus Christ and his sacrifice which broke the bands of death for us all so we may have ETERNAL LIFE, is what gets me through the rough days.
I KNOW I will see Ollie again, I KNOW he lives on. I KNOW Ollie will rise the morning of the first resurrection and his body and spirit will reunite. I am not sure what he is doing right now, but my heart testifies this to me so strongly. 
I often doubt this knowledge, but today I KNOW. 
Tomorrow might be a different story as I lay in my bed and weep--I sure hope not, those days are exhausting to the fullest.  

A few quotes that helped out my day...hopefully they will bring some needed encouragement your way!

and of cute picture of my sweets in the garden. 
She loves to pick kale right off the stalk and basil too. 
She loves to sniff them. 
But she sure has a sweet tooth!