Friday, October 4, 2013

Weeping uterus

I share all my deepest feelings for the world to see if they choose and nothing is very private anymore-I like this, but I often feel like it's too private, but if it helps another person, it's worth it.

So why not share more????

I am 20 weeks pregnant and have been spotting since 12 weeks...it has worried Chris and I.  I finally got an appt with a specialist-it's complicated, but there were no doctors who would see me since I have a midwife and haven't established previous care with them. I got an ultrasound-placenta and cervix were normal and baby is growing appropriately. The ultra sound was reassuring. 

So why am I bleeding?

The doc checked me and said I have a placental bleed....so stupid. WHY? I don't need this. It has been stressing Chris and I out. Just another added layer of stress. 

How much can we take? And Chris hates his job to top it off. Oh, and it's rainy everyday and overcast. And cold.

So I had an idea of my own why I am bleeding. I asked my midwife, 'could my bleeding be due to the heart-ache from losing Ollie?' She said, 'yes I think so, there is no scientific evidence and doctors may not believe it, but I have heard of something called, a weeping uterus-when the uterus bleeds for no known reason.' 

Ok so I believe there is a reason....my body is grieving in all areas for the physical loss of my child, Ollie. My heart is bleeding. My uterus is bleeding. Why wouldn't it be? It hurts that bad to lose a child. Our bodies and minds are so emotionally connected in every way. My uterus is weeping. Tearing apart, shedding blood, crying. Weeping just as my precious and broken, but oh so strong, heart. 

***I have been hearing of so many children losing their lives-well people in general. It breaks my heart to know other families will miss their loved one as I miss mine. Well bad things happen to good people. This is life. This is our reality. This is our trial. We just have to do our best and hope in the end that we did our very best. And our best is our best. 

 Be the best you can be today!! You never get that day back.  
Sending love to the universe