Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Unfamilar Territory

When Ollie first had his horrible accident, I became a hermit. I didn't get out of bed, I didn't shower, and I didn't brush my teeth...some of those things I still do-its called depression. I was showered with text messages, emails, phone calls and visits...I wanted nothing to do with any of it. I totally appreciated all of it, but I was too depressed to answer anyone back. But do know each text and voicemail was read and heard. I did need these calls to know I was LOVED.  I just didn't physically have enough energy to reply back, all my energy was being focused on surviving and keeping Poppy safe inside my tummy while 8 months pregnant.....With that said, I would like to share some things that might help others who are wanting to help someone in their time of great need after loss.

The three most powerful things to help someone through the dark journey of grief. 

-SAY SOMETHING, ANYTHING-PLEASE. This has probably been my number one sadness. Just even say a quick hello and smile. A hug would have done wonders too. I needed lots of hugs, my heart needed to physically connect with others hearts, so mine could heal. I know its awkward. Its scary too and death is untouched territory for most, but come on people, when someone is at their low of lows and you know it, a hello just might pull them out of their storm for a brief moment. By looking the other way when the giant elephant enters the room, is so hurtful. I know you are shy, so am I at times. It has been done so many times to me. It hurts. I fell even deeper into my depression. I remember when I first went back to church, I always went with sweet Ollie in tow and then to go without him-crushing, and for some people to just avoid me--even more crushing. I totally understand, I really do. I just hope in the future others will remember this when faced with an awkward situation. One last thing, if someone ever came up and started talking, I always brought up Ollie and his accident, don't worry, you won't have to. He is at the forefront of my every thought.

-SHOWER THE PERSON WITH LOVE. They will need lots of it to make it through their grueling storm they are in the midst of. They will need phone calls, random text, letters in the mail, anything to remind them of their child, or a day out to lunch. They are in a dark storm and can't think straight, so they need assistance from someone sane and grounded. I remember getting random packages in the mail and it touched my heart, it healed me one act of kindness at a time. I was not very rational and needed others who had been in my shoes to tell me I could do this. Also hat I was going to be alright and that I could make it through the dark. I am barely seeing some light now, 2 years later and I now hope to spread that light around to others!!! Love makes the world go round. Thank you for the constant love.

-DON'T LEAVE THE PERSON ALONE TOO LONG. Yes I wanted  and needed space, but it actually was not healing to be alone for too long. I sunk deeper and deeper. I needed that hand to reach in and pull me up. I actually never wanted to be alone-cause I was alone when Ollie's accident happened. I couldn't shower alone, use the toilet, be in my bedroom alone or drive anywhere alone- I needed reassurance something bad wouldn't happen again. I hated my alone time. My thoughts were damaging and too hurtful. I needed others to carry me while I was down and out-and this they did. 

I think all of these things can be applied to any issue in life, addiction, loss, depression, anxiety, obesity, self esteem, anger...etc.

Please spread the love to someone in need....


A yoga posture that has really opened up my heart. Give it a try. Grief pulls your head and heart to the floor, this pose opens up the heart and turns it upward to God. It feels AMAZING
Go here for the entire pose.