Friday, December 5, 2014

How To Help Someone Say Goodbye

I have gotten several emails and text in the last few years-especially the last few months, from family and friends asking how they can help a friend who has just lost a child. I feel so compelled to reach out to them and offer some help along the way, as so many did with me.

I thought I would again share some ways to help. Tragedy is all around us and I believe we can truly help carry each others burdens.

Chris and I needed all the help we could get that tragic day, from the heavens on high and here on the mortal earth. 

We were lost.
We were broken and others are to. 
We were in shock and our minds couldn't think clearly, we welcomed all the help.  Please lend a healing hand to someone who is hurting. 

//I share this tender picture only to show the devastation on my face---pure devastation//

-Pray, pray and pray some more for the family to be uplifted daily and for strength to endure what they are unwillingly facing--prayers really will carry them through the shock. 

-Try lightening their heavy load and daily responsibilities in life so they have more freedom to grieve and be in the moment. This could be, bringing over meals or snacks, grocery shopping, cleaning their house, paying bills, arranging their carpool, etc…

- When you mention their child, speak as if they are still here-in present form.

- Remember holidays and birth dates of their child through the years-grieving the loss of a child is a long journey and will last a lifetime.

- Ask direct and to the point questions. Don't beat around the bush. Ask them if they want to talk, to be alone or if they would like your company.

- The first week after a loss is often a good time to take care of business. God has given us the emotion of shock- this numbness allows us to function and take care of business. Once this wears off, parents can collapse and go through periods where they simply cannot handle even daily routine-life can get to be just too much.

- Once the shock wears off, people often look for ways to start over or regain control of life that seems to be making a downward spiral.  Encourage Your friends or family to make decisions slowly. They might look at moving their home, adopting a child, changing jobs, divorce, etc… Often times people are desperate and are trying to push away the grief--it will never leave them.

- Watch out for when the parents are unable to take care of the basic responsibilities such as paying the bills, house cleaning, sorting mail, or going to work, etc… these can all be too much to handle. They may need some major interventions from close family and friends. 

-I know this list can be overwhelming, but most importantly try to let the family know you LOVE them and haven't forgotten their child.

- The goal of the journey through bereavement is not to leave grief behind-the loved one will never disappear- but to become functional grievers and to know they are loved.

Read more ideas on how to help  here

Please buy a washing machine lock here