Friday, December 5, 2014

Are You Living on Earth?


My mind wonders.

 My thoughts drift to a happy place, pain free, guilt free, beautiful beyond earthly comprehension and full of pure happiness.

This place is heaven. 

I dream often of going there. 
I dream often of what my Ollie is doing there.
I know it must be something very important for him to be there instead of here.

I am sure it is a beautiful place.

As I dream about heaven and Ollie, I am quickly taken back to earth with my living children when Poppy pulls my arm saying "Momma, hold me, hold me" 
or 
Loxxley wanting to nurse every few hours
or 
Poppy randomly peeing her pants
or
Loxxley screaming because he fell and hit his head
or
Poppy dancing up and down with excitement because she saw a squirrel
or 
Loxxley staring into my eyes ever so sweetly as I rock him
or
Poppy telling me her tiny doggy can walk like her.
My children need me--and boy do I need them.


I have been thinking a lot of how I am here and now still living upon this earth. 
I must live for today and take care of my living children. 
I miss Ollie so much.
Often I focus on his death and his lack of presents so much that I miss the cute things that are happening right in front of me.
I must make the most of TODAY. 

Here is to Poppy and Loxxley and the life they live, they bring me so much joy
Today I live for you both-and Ollie of course, that's a given.