Sunday, March 22, 2015

The Transition Day

All week I have had so much anxiety thinking about the BIG DAY.....
the big stupid day.
the giant elephant in the room. 
the horrible tragic accident that took his life.
the day my life changed forever.
the day we said our earthly goodbyes.
the day Ollie passed into the next phase of eternity.
 
Chris doesn't even want to remember 'the date' but, today I feel I want to remember.
It was the last time I kissed Ollie.
The last time I held him,
smelled,
touched,
and
sang to him. 
The last time I 
washed his dying body,
the last time I saw his beautiful blue eyes,
the last time I touched his messy-stringy-thin-blonde hair.
That day was the last time I would dress him and
it was the last time I heard him breathe.
The last precious earthly moments between a parent and a transitioning child.
It was a day of many lasts with our precious Ollie boy and I cherish every single one.

These pictures hurt but, they don't hurt as much when I think of where Ollie's spirit is. 
I truly believe the longer I live, that Ollie is in the spirit world in
blissful enjoyment--pain free and happy.
He lives on.
He will one day be resurrected to perfection.
He will rise the morning of the first resurrection into my arms.

^^^^^^^^
Today 3 years later.....
I am a changed momma.
My heart is oh so heavy but, today I am healing
and thankful---I honestly NEVER thought I would get to this point.
Today I focus on Ollie's spirit residing in our home---at times I have been so blinded
by grief that I could not see. 
And as I am often reminded....someone ALWAYS has it worse and this is why I am thankful. 
I am deeply grateful for my constant support over these last 3 foggy years. 
I honestly couldn't have done it without prayers, family, texts, emails, and God.
Thank you,
Thank you,
for the LOVE! 
^^^^^^^^ 
A few of my favorite memories of my precious 
Ollie Kai Hebb
June 21, 2010-March 24, 2012

  • Holding him for the first time after working so hard to bring him into this life--pure bliss.
  •  Watching the way he inspected small things on the ground and trees. 
  • His shaggy blonde hair. 
  • His gentle spirit and demeanor.
  • I loved his fat hands and dirty finger nails.
  • I enjoyed watching Ollie and Chris swing outback-the bond they share is tender.
  • Rocking and singing to him until he fell asleep.
  • I loved pulling Ollie behind the bike trailer while riding in the pouring rain.
  • I loved how the first thing right after he woke up was to go outside rain boots and all.
  • Ollie  would dance to electronic music and I would film him.
  • I miss pulling identical faces with him for a selfie.
Ollie, 
Be near us until we hold you again sweet angel of ours.

 "Because I live, Ye shall live too"-Jesus Christ
Be inspired 

>>>disclaimer because people often take things the wrong way<<<
This blog is an outlet....its healthy for me. 
I don't always feel these horrible feelings.