Monday, June 22, 2015

No 5 Year old?

This blog was originally for posting pictures for my family, so they could still see Ollie when we lived far away. Since Ollie passed away it has been a journal of my feelings and intense thoughts that sometimes I just haven't been able to release any other way.
 Writing has been more healing than I ever imagined. 
Thank you all for being on this journey with me and for the love along the way-it has been needed.

As of late, I haven't felt the need to write anything. I have been working hard on my own healing this year with things like my yoga practice, my beautiful mountain retreat home, essential oils, vitamins, tinctures, healing books, my sweet Nevada friends taking me to Lake Tahoe, taking HOT baths,  and spending quality time with my children who are still alive and very present in my earthly life. 

One thing I have been thinking a lot about lately and do want to express, is the need to share OUR STORIES. 
They NEED to be heard. 
I find healing from others who have been through a major tragedies and I know so many appreciate me sharing and find healing in hearing about Ollie. Since he died, I have shared his story at least once a day, if not several. Everyone is shocked at that tragic way it happened and I can see that they think more about their own life and the precious people in it.  We all have a story to share---SHARE IT. You seriously never know who you will help and why not help someone? 
We are all in this together!!!


Yesterday was JUNE 21, summer solstice and OLLIE'S BIRTHDAY and Father's Day.  Ollie was supposed to be 5 YEARS OLD. How totally horrible is it that he wasn't here with us to celebrate? Milestones in life are one of the most celebrated and happiest times we have on earth---and we don't get anymore with Ollie in this life. I know life is short compared to the pre-existence and the life to come but, I wanted those memories to keep being created with my little guy, Ollie--they stopped on March 23, 2012.Yes, I am pretty heart broken, the shock has worn off and I have learned how to live with out him---something I never thought I could do, and to tell you the truth, I have been so involved with my other children and be present in their lives,  that I feel it erases Ollie--well I guess its that I am not creating new ones.....It's sad. Ollie would have been one of the kindest and most gentle 5 year old around.
Today I look forward to Poppy and Loxxley as they grow up and enjoy my precious time with them!!!

Here's to the best Father for my children!
I love you

>>>Does heaven celebrate a life event such as a birth or a death? 
I actually bet they celebrate death more<<<

Oh, and just one more side note.
 I didn't know a human could cry or hurt this intensely every day for 3 years now...and I know it will continue until I'm dead---that seems pretty unfair, if you ask me. What about that happily ever after part I always heard about? I guess it happens when I die---but that's a long life of suffering, its hard to stay positive after such a tragedy. 

You've probably never seen this side of him....He sure makes us all laugh!