He Will Rise

Since it is Easter weekend, I have been thinking so much about the resurrection of Jesus Christ. I have really been trying to see if I believe it really happened to Jesus Christ and it will happen to Ollie. I have always thought I had a testimony of it but, then Ollie passed away and it became so much more real. I needed for myslef, a firm knowledge without a doubt. The only way I have received this is by studying and much work on my part.  I have been reading a lot of books about heaven and the testimonies of people seeing angels. I feel I can not share things unless I know for certain.

Does heaven really exist?
Does God exist?
Will we all rise again just as Jesus Christ?

YES.
YES.
YES.
I DO BELIEVE.

Watch this and see if you believe

I believe Jesus Christ really walked here upon the earth performing miracles. 
He was a healer and a teacher.
He was perfect in every way.
He was a follower of our God.
He is the only Savior.
He is the light.
He died for each one of us.
He is the way back to our eternal families.
God is there for us and I KNOW He hears our cries.

Jesus Christ broke the bands of time and space, that is why He is able to physically walk with us during our struggles, our low moment and our heartaches. He carries and comforts us all along the way. He is really right by our side---we just can't see Him. Jesus Christ has seriously been the only way I have found rest from my heartache.

My sweet love will rise again....

The Transition Day

All week I have had so much anxiety thinking about the BIG DAY.....

the big stupid day.

the giant elephant in the room. 

the horrible tragic accident that took his life.

the day my life changed forever.
the day we said our earthly goodbyes.

the day Ollie passed into the next phase of eternity.

 

Chris doesn't even want to remember 'the date' but, today I feel I want to remember.

It was the last time I kissed Ollie.

The last time I held him,

smelled,

touched,

and

sang to him. 

The last time I 

washed his dying body,

the last time I saw his beautiful blue eyes,

the last time I touched his messy-stringy-thin-blonde hair.
That day was the last time I would dress him and
it was the last time I heard him breathe.

The last precious earthly moments between a parent and a transitioning child.

It was a day of many lasts with our precious Ollie boy and I cherish every single one.

These pictures hurt but, they don't hurt as much when I think of where Ollie's spirit is. 

I truly believe the longer I live, that Ollie is in the spirit world in
blissful enjoyment--pain free and happy.
He lives on.
He will one day be resurrected to perfection.
He will rise the morning of the first resurrection into my arms.

^^^^^^^^

Today 3 years later.....

I am a changed momma.

My heart is oh so heavy but, today I am healing

and thankful---I honestly NEVER thought I would get to this point.

Today I focus on Ollie's spirit residing in our home---at times I have been so blinded
by grief that I could not see. 

And as I am often reminded....someone ALWAYS has it worse and this is why I am thankful. 

I am deeply grateful for my constant support over these last 3 foggy years. 

I honestly couldn't have done it without prayers, family, texts, emails, and God.

Thank you,

Thank you,

for the LOVE! 

^^^^^^^^ 

A few of my favorite memories of my precious 
Ollie Kai Hebb
June 21, 2010-March 24, 2012

• Holding him for the first time after working so hard to bring him into this life--pure bliss.
•  Watching the way he inspected small things on the ground and trees. 
• His shaggy blonde hair. 
• His gentle spirit and demeanor.
• I loved his fat hands and dirty finger nails.
• I enjoyed watching Ollie and Chris swing outback-the bond they share is tender.
• Rocking and singing to him until he fell asleep.
• I loved pulling Ollie behind the bike trailer while riding in the pouring rain.
• I loved how the first thing right after he woke up was to go outside rain boots and all.
• Ollie  would dance to electronic music and I would film him.
• I miss pulling identical faces with him for a selfie.

Ollie, 

Be near us until we hold you again sweet angel of ours.

 "Because I live, Ye shall live too"-Jesus Christ
Be inspired 

>>>disclaimer because people often take things the wrong way<<<
This blog is an outlet....its healthy for me. 
I don't always feel these horrible feelings.

Top loader

The kids and I decided to fly down to Vegas and see Chris while he is working--he's been down here for 2 weeks now.

Way.too.long.

We are in a condo and there isn't much to do. There isn't really anything near by, so I decided to clean up. I started to gather up all our clothes and then I proceeded over to the washer....I opened it up...suddenly my tummy got sick. I missed Ollie. It ALWAYS makes me think of my sweet little boy, Ollie. I don't like this association. 

I started to fill the washer with water. I just stared at the agitator. 

I couldn't move. 

How could Ollies entire body fit into that small space??? I just don't get it. 

How?? How?? How?? 

And 

Why?? Why?? Why??

I stared some more. This was the first time I had used a top loader since Ollie fell in. It brought me back to that horrible moment in time. 

The water began to fill. I kept hallucinating that I was going to see a body inside. I kept making sure Poppy was laying down watching cartoons. And I kept reminding myself Loxxley was asleep in the other room. 

I reached my hands in to see if there was enough water....then, once again my stomach hit the floor. I vividly remember putting my hands in the cloudy, cold water that day I found Ollie completely submerged.  When I put my hands in this time, this day 2 1/2 years later, I was instantly reminded of that horrible day, but today is not that day. I never want to go back to that day unless I can change things and save Ollie. 

Today I have two other children whom I am living for. Today I am going on, still breathing, still living. Today is a new day. Today I celebrate how far I have come since a mothers worst nightmare came true for me. Today I am stronger than I thought was humanly possible, just a bit braver, weaker in most areas, forever changed and still constantly grieving. 

Today I celebrate the love I have for my 3 precious children. 

I do, I do, I do believe in heaven!!!

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